A Rough Diamond

On Love (repost)

2011-12-08T12:12:00.000-08:00

I noticed that the Daily Jolt from BustedHalo.com is one of my favorite quotes, so I'm doing a repost today from May of 2010:

Even after all this time,

the sun never says to the earth,”You owe me.”

Look what happens with a love like that.

It lights the whole sky.

~Hafiz~

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol 37

2011-12-02T10:15:00.000-08:00

Jen Fulwiler hosts Quick Takes every Friday!

-1-

Here is my explanation for my absence: I am now employed. I work from home and the hours are technically part time, but I am logged on to a client network and I cannot tool around in the interwebs like I used to be able to do. Therefore, I am at least a month behind on the blogging world. Maybe Santa will bring me a laptop for Christmas and I can keep in touch while still working.

-2-

For more information about my work situation, I have to say that my prayers were clearly answered in a very surprising way. Back in late 2009, when I started to feel so overwhelmed with the life schedule of a working mom, I used to feel a lot of envy and frustration. I knew of a few people who were able to work part time in lucrative positions, sometimes even from home, and still be quite involved in their children’s lives. I thought these people were rare, lucky, or knew someone. Well, apparently I know someone, too. We all know who He is, but He managed to put people in my life in such a way that at the peak of my performance in my last job, I met someone who would eventually become a friend and truly respect my abilities and skills.

When this friend found out I had “retired” and was now spending my days caring for my children, he called me up. My job interview included lunch at Hooters with both kids in tow. My first assignment was brief and gave me the confidence I needed to know this would be a good fit. And finally we are in a situation where it is all working out. I work from home between 15 and 50 hours a week (largely my choice how much or little) and I just have to be accessible wherever I am (gym, kids’ schools, etc).

I feel truly blessed.

Don’t get me wrong; we are still all adjusting. I haven’t quite figured out where my shower will fit into my day, but it’s such a wonderful opportunity and will serve my family very well.

-3-

New Roman missal: Changes began this Sunday (Saturday vigil for me). What did you think? I think it is harder to get used to the changes in the priests’ portion versus the responses and prayers. It didn’t feel *quite* like mass at first, but then I remembered that it is still the consecration and the Eucharist is the same no matter what language is used.

-4-

Advent is one of the most wonderful times of year. I know that there is plenty that we really just have to do to get ready no matter what we all think of it: cleaning, cooking, baking, shopping, decorating, mailing, visiting, letter-writing, etc. But I am trying to practice what I preach and primarily focus on understanding Jesus’s first coming and clear way to look forward and be joyfully ready for the second coming of Christ.

This year I have taken on perhaps a bit too many Advent traditions with my children and alone. My children have a good-deeds countdown (every day requests they do a small act of kindness), a Jesse tree with small scripture readings, and nightly advent devotions with the advent wreath. They also have a chocolate countdown and a tree to decorate (more secular traditions). However, I must say that the children very much enjoy it and look forward to it; even the scripture readings.

I am learning a lot myself with my own adult version of Advent devotions. Just today I learned/realized that we are not waiting for the second coming of Jesus Christ. Jesus was the first coming of Christ. The second coming of Christ is unknown to us, and this is why we need to be awake and ready. I have a lot on my mind to ponder.

-5-

I am also thinking a lot about death. Specifically, dealing with death and if we expose our children to it.

I have always been open with my children about death because I don’t quite know how to shield them from it without feeling dishonest. I think death is a part of life (the FIRST part of our eternal life, not the last part of our earthly life). I think this is how we remember that life on earth is precious and this is why it is so important that we treat one another with love.

There are a number of people in my life that do not discuss death with their children, one being my close friend and neighbor. I once told her child that she couldn’t have the stool at the top of the stair steps because I was afraid she would fall and die (that is truly what I was afraid of!) and she was horrified. Luckily she laughed it off later, but just before Thanksgiving I mentioned to her daughter that I was getting my turkey that day. Her child gleefully said she wanted to see my turkey and I mentioned that there wasn’t much to see; it was already dead and frozen. YIKES. Apparently she hasn’t really opened up to her daughter about how the turkey actually gets on the table at Thanksgiving.

So now I feel like some behemoth that talks about death all the time!

-6-

What do you tell your children about Santa? I am all for the tradition, but I never quite got the specifics and it seems everyone is on a different page. Why do really well-behaved and deserving poor kids not get gifts (necessitating the Angel Tree) while my sometimes poorly behaved children get so much? Do we tell them that we help chip in? Do we have just one or a few gifts from Santa and the rest are from Mom and Dad? Previously we never signed any from us; all was from mom and dad. I wish there was one universal story!

-7-

Speaking of that elusive shower, I have to be at my daughter’s school in an hour, so I should try to get one!

Come, Lord Jesus!

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol 36

2011-10-28T06:18:00.000-07:00

--- 1 ---

My friend Paul has passed into eternal life. I could spend hours speaking about how grateful I am for having known this man, but I will keep it brief. When I didn't trust my ability to sing, my friend Paul encouraged me to keep going and never quit. When I didn't trust my faith, my friend Paul challenged that I am one of the most soulfully faithful people he's met. My faith, my ministry, my devotion to God and love for Jesus are all intertwined with my love for his friend. His courageous end was surely agony, but we who know him know that he's now with his friend Jesus. My children made him cards which have accompanied him to his eternal resting place. What a privilege.

--- 2 ---

The leaves are changing and the skies are amazing. The sights fill my heart with love in praise for all the things that He has made.

--- 3 ---

Confirmation is this weekend in our parish. I never fully appreciated the sacrament of confirmation when I received it and perhaps not even until last week. While singing a Holy Spirit- centered song, one of my choir mates got choked up with tears over the memory of her own confirmation during the war in Germany. She said that they were so proud to be made soldiers for Christ. I think that is just so moving. I pray that our confirmation candidates are filled with the Holy Spirit to become soldiers for Christ.

--- 4 ---

We are expecting a bit of snow this weekend in my corner of the world. It is a good thing I managed to get my banana trees inside this week. I somehow also managed to lug all 100+ lbs of two of them (two were smaller and more manageable) to the basement by myself. And I don't weigh all that much more than that (but don't try to guess how much more...wink, wink).

--- 5 ---

Here is the song on my heart these days: Soon and very soon, I will be with the one I love. With unveiled face, I'll see Him. Then my soul will be satisfied. Soon and very soon.

--- 6 ---

It looks like mama will be headed back to work as soon as next week. It will be a combination of visiting clients and remote support. My husband is a little eager about this and it's slightly frustrating to me. I completely understand that he is working very hard for our family and he thinks I am doing nothing at home, but he doesn't realize how much of the "family business" I handle so that he can work without much interference. It is rare he has to worry about the children's activities, homework, reading logs, parent conferences, lunches, dinners, doctor appointments, school needs, piano lessons and practice or any other detail. He never, ever needs to think about clean laundry, vacuuming, clean dishes, what to eat for dinner or if he has a lunch packed. He does a lot (75% of money management, mowing of grass, car maintenance, and puts kids to bed on Wednesday when I am at choir), but we are in the age-old predicament of him not realizing how BAD it was when I worked full-time trying to juggle everything and maintain sanity, healthy family life and a strong marriage. I'm trying to gently remind him that if I can work 20 hours a week and still manage all of the details above that make our lives easier and more livable, we are in excellent shape. He's trying to book me up to working full-time from home. I guess I'll just have to give him the list of what he'll have to do around the house if that happens. ;)

--- 7 ---

If you can spare a prayer, keep my nephew and my sister in your prayers. Pray that my nephew makes some good choices and my sister doesn't have a nervous breakdown before that happens. I am only partly joking. I'm very worried about both of them.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol 35

2011-10-14T09:03:00.000-07:00

Seven random things I am thinking of today...

--- 1 ---

I love greens, but previously, my definition of greens included lettuce (iceberg, romaine, green leaf, red leaf, spring mixes) and spinach. But I love them all and I wanted to expand my appreciation. I started with kale and it was wonderful. So wonderful that I got stuck on it and ate a pound a week for a month straight. Then I tried swiss chard. Honestly, I think it was even better! Both the red and green varieties taste good. This week I made collard greens. These are also delicious and while they are the least favorite of my "new green" veggies, I would certainly eat them again. Does anyone have other greens they eat regularly?

Mostly, I just clean, chop, and steam/sautee with a tsp of olive oil and some onion. Sometimes I add garlic. I also added chopped tomato to the kale and that was great. The collard greens tasted good with a bit of vinegar sprinkled on top.

--- 2 ---

We sang the Contemplative Rosary this week in my parish. It's beautiful and moving and it is a wonderful way to truly meditate on the mysteries of Christ's life.

--- 3 ---

I am nursing a neck injury since September 2nd. It started with a pinched nerve and while there were headaches and backaches within that time, the chiropractic care helped take care of it. But the pain is still there and while I feel good enough to exercise, I seem to re-injure it now and then with either boxing moves or spinning or even drying my hair. It's really getting old. I just cannot loosen up my right trapezius muscle at all. It is knotted badly. Sometimes my head just feels so heavy I want to lay it down. Or get one of these:

--- 4 ---

My house is covered with Precious Moments figurines. My husband got them from his deceased aunt's house and is trying to sell them. I don't like having many "dustables" in my house, but some of them are really cute. Maybe someday I will have my dining room back. In the meantime, my husband and I are speaking in the lingo. This morning I said good by with "Waddle I do without you?"

--- 5 ---

My friend is dying. He has prostate cancer which has spread to his entire abdomen and his bones (causing painful lesions and tumors). I've visited and I call him to keep in touch, but it is heartbreaking. What kind of consolation can I offer him? I have asked his wife to truly call me if she needs a break and I will sit with him, but I just feel helpless. Right now his appetite is gone and he's refluxing a lot of what he does eat. He needs to regain an appetite if he is going to stay with us for any length of time. Please pray for my dear friend Paul.

--- 6 ---

I am having such fun with my kids at their current ages. My daughter is so independent and growing up so beautifully and after a tough hiccup in Kindergarten, she's becoming the child I always knew she would become. She's strong, proud, brave, and super sweet. My little boy is learning to read and I love how words are coming alive for him. To live through a child learning to read never gets old. It's a discovery every time.

--- 7 ---

Halloween is coming and we are beginning to prepare. Decorations are going up and my children are going to hunt for costumes and ideas this weekend. I know some Catholics and other Christians don't celebrate Halloween, but I think it is a wonderful time to get children out in the neighborhood and enjoying the fall weather. Plus I think the spooky things are fun. I think I will dress up as a witch to give out candy. I even do the evil laugh...

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Guardian Angel sightings

2011-10-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

This post is inspired by Father Longenecker's post of a guardian angel story here. http://gkupsidedown.blogspot.com/2011/10/guardian-angel-story.html

As a cantor, there are certain phrases that my ears are tuned to during the mass. Among my favorites are before the Holy holy. (Those faithful among you know that the words will change slightly to "Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of hosts" come Advent this year).

"And so, with all the choirs of angels in heaven, we proclaim your glory and join in their unending hymn of praise: Holy, holy, holy Lord, God of power and might..."

Every time I hear those words, I literally imagine all the angels in heaven singing along in praise. Perhaps I do that because it makes me feel less alone as my mic'ed voice fills the church and I worry if I may have to swallow, breath, or cough mid-phrase. But more than my literal need to remember these angels, I think it is important to remember all the angels around us and to notice when they are there.

When I was 18, I spent New Year's Eve in Times Square, watching the ball drop. To say that I was far from my faith at the time would be an understatement. I was in college and for the first time, spreading my wings, and oftentimes in the wrong way. I was with a dear friend who was familiar with the city, having grown up in Staten Island and there were also a few other friends with us. But my friend and I were very petite, yet also very wild at the time, looking to fully experience whatever it was we could experience.

I remember adding Jack Daniels to our McDonald's soda cups. I also remember smoking Lord-knows-what and let's just say that our petite teenage bodies just couldn't take that abuse we were giving them that night. At one point, while trying to get closer to the ball, we were invited to share in smoking something with a group of strangers. Not long after the invitation, my friend's body decided to give up for a moment. There I was, equally petite and wasted, with a group of equally wasted strangers, unable to truly help her. I remember being on my knees, tending to her as she sat on the cold street of New York city in her green plastic party hat and I prayed for help. I couldn't pick her up and get her out of the crowd, but I knew I needed to get her some food, some water and some air.

Not a moment later, literally from nowhere, a stranger appeared out of the crowd. It was a male, with long wavy blonde hair dressed in light-colored (but street) clothes. This was startling as we were not only in New York City (and a veritable sea of black winter coats), but it was also quite cold, as it was December 31st. He said something to the effect of "You look like you need help" and I nodded and he picked up my friend like a baby and carried her out of the crowd. Then he was gone. Just like that. But we were out and safe and we managed to get her some food and we even saw the ball drop and made it to the last ferry to Staten Island that night.

We often joked afterward that it was a guardian angel that came out of the crowd and carried her to safety. He really did look not unlike the angel in the image above. If you could only have seen him, long, flowing wavy hair, almost having the quality of being "bathed in light", you would have thought this, too. I had forgotten about this brush with the divine until today. Today I thank my guardian angel (or my friend's guardian angel) for the divine intercession on our sinful lives.

Angel of God, my guardian dear

to whom God's love commits me here.

Ever this day/night be at my side

to light, to guard, to rule and guide.

Amen.

"From infancy to death human life is surrounded by their (the angels) watchful care and intercession. Beside each believer stands an angel as protector and shepherd leading him to life. Already here on earth the Christian life shares by faith in the blessed company of angels and men united to God."

- from the Catechism of the Catholic Church; 336.

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol 34

2011-09-30T09:21:00.000-07:00

--- 1 ---

Today I am greatful for Michelle who also pointed out an extremely useful template for Quick Takes. I am a bit of an IT geek myself, but I always seem to lack the ability to connect the skill I have with my own personal needs! LOL

Anyway, the perfectionist in me has been backing off on publishing much on my blog, so this was enough incentive today for me to get jotting! Thank you, beloved friend.

--- 2 ---

People around me keep dying. I have to say I've been blessed to live 35 years with not so much death around, but recently a 44 year old former coworker died of a massive heart attack, followed by a 53 year old pal who died of organ failure. My dear friend who is battling prostate cancer is now in hospice and my husband's grandmother just had a heart attack. Life is short! I get it, dear Lord, and I promise you I am grateful for every moment I have!

--- 3 ---

My mind is deep wrapped around lesson plans for religious education. I am teaching first grade again and the start of the year has been wonderful. Not only am I more relaxed, but the children are a wonderful group. I'm enjoying it very much, but I also would like to perfect my lesson plans a bit. My computer crashed this summer, leaving me with no digital copy of my plans (but I do have the paper), so I am re-thinking and re-researching with every week. It is a big project and I need to be mindful that I just allow the Holy Spirit to really work through me instead of leading the conversations so much. There are two bloggers that are inspirational to me beyond words: Catholic Icing and the The Catholic Toolbox. Really, I do have good original ideas as well, but I find that I lack the ability to (once again) get over my perfectionism and just starting putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard!).

--- 4 ---

This school year has started off so well. I could spend all day wondering if my decision to stay home for a while was a big help or not, but the fact of the matter is that for today my daughter is one of the top readers in her class, her teacher seems good and solid, and she is making friends easily and spreading her wings. I'm so proud of her.

My son is apparently the child who my teacher would love to have a room full of! Without even being biased, I will say that he is a wonderfully patient, calm, interested and interesting little boy. He loves to follow the rules, he is kind and thinks of others first, but he also likes to laugh and have fun. I am so proud of him.

I'm careful to not be too boastful of my own children, as I know I only guide them so much, but I am honestly just so grateful that their experiences this year have been so positive.

--- 5 ---

I finally got my hair cut (and highlights) after 10 months. I have never been so neglectful of my own looks. I'm far from vain, but this was sheer lack of care of myself. I was getting ready to get it done in May when I got a short work assignment and I thought it would be a good incentive to finish it quickly and use that money. Well, that money has still yet to be seen, so I bit the bullet. I can't even show you a "before". It was THAT bad. ;)

Look at me now!

--- 6 ---

It is very beautiful how things in life come together so completely. Today my friend gave me a copy of Psalm 91 to pray for my family. As I am reading it, it reminds me of a hymn and I start singing "On Eagles' Wings". I last heard the hymn at the funeral of the coworker that most recently passed away. I come here to look it up on the web and Psalm 91 is the 2nd that comes up in the quick-search on google after only Psalm 23. Beautiful. Say to the Lord, "My refuge, the rock in whom I trust." I say it every day, but I am going to start praying this for my family for protection.

--- 7 ---

My poor hubby is having a hard time at work. He's a wonderfully patient and dedicated social worker. But the stories he comes home with sometimes are so absurd that I've been telling him he needs to start an anonymous blog to jot them all down. It is no wonder that little progress is made with some of these children. The expectations set for them are so low and the staff is so self-involved and entitled that it isn't even funny. Please say a small prayer for him that he has the strength to rise above the pettiness of his colleagues and always do what is right and good for the child and to at the very least, be a role model as someone who truly does put the child first.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-09-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

Hurricane Irene downed our miraculous bananas.

...The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the LORD.

-Job 1: 21

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol 33

2011-09-02T06:13:00.000-07:00

-1-

This will be the quickest Quick-takes ever because my kids have the day off of school and after a bit over a year at home with them FT, I will take away this one lesson: spend the time with them when you can becasue it is over SO fast! Today we will go mini-golfing. :)

-2-

I am praying for my children to have good school years. To find it in their hearts to always be kind and sensitive to others, helpful to their teachers, and respectful to themselves and to others. I pray they work hard at learning, reap the gifts they are being offered and find happiness and joy in their days. I also pray that the boy on the school bus who flips his eyelids inside out will not do that any more.

-3-

I am realizing how opinionated I am. Usually I feel like I have no opinion or I can have my opinion easily swayed. But on some subjects, I have very strong opinions! Some of them I just cannot voice. I'm thinking of starting an anonymous blog where my husband and I can publish for the world to see, our snarky comments about others. Of course, I know better. How sinful would that be - pride at it's best!

-4-

I love fashion and clothes. I love shoes. I love to look cute. However, I am very cheap, thrifty, poor. Even when I worked FT, I spent very little on my clothing. I bought basics and stayed away from trends. This year, Lands End seems to have a catalog from my dreams. I could just transport the whole thing to my closet thank you very much.

-5-

While vanity is taking hold, can I tell you how badly I need a haircut? I haven't had a haircut since before Thanksgiving last year. This is the longest EVER that I have gone without a haircut and highlights. It is 75% not having the money, 10% not sure I want to spend that much money on my hair going forward, 10% not sure what I want to do with my hair - do I really want highlights, how long, how short, etc, and 5% laziness.

-6-

Our parish religious ed program is still up in the air. I need this schedule finalized so that my husband can make a work schedule and then I can fit in activities for the kids around that. I really want to volunteer my time and talent, however, this lack or inability to just firmly plan is really bothering me.

-7-

Here are my two cuties. Second grade and Kindergarten have never been so cute. They are enjoying themselves so far. Jackson said school was "actually fun".

Read more Quick Takes at ConversionDiary.com.

7 Quick Takes Friday - vol 32

2011-08-26T04:45:00.000-07:00

-1-

It must be back-to-school time becasue I find that the children are buzzing with nervous energy. I must say "keep your hands to yourself" (and many stronger versions of that same sentiment) 100 times per day. There is just so much lead-up to the new school year. School shopping, supplies, talking about teachers, meeting teachers, making lists of all the things we need to sneak in before the end of the summer, and even the planning of our fun activities for fall all lead to one ultimate: Summer is ending. That is sad. I love summer so much; I could drink it up.

I will have a 2nd grader and a Kindergartener this year. I pray for them to have good experiences.

-2-

This weekend we are bracing ourselves for Hurricane Irene. My list of things to do today certainly reflects the possibility that we may lose power and be stuck at home for a while this weekend.

1. Wine Store

2. Get a few groceries (potatoes, scrapple, hand sanitizer - that is for school)

3. Library books

I mean, I would hate to be stuck at home without wine and scrapple. Honestly, the list is ironic. But I will go out of my way to get a stack of reading material for the kids.

It would probably be a good weekend to turn these:

Into this:

I did the red grapes last weekend. The purple are bursting. But if it is rainy, I won't be fighting off the bees!

-3-

It looks like for the next few weeks at least, I will have a semi-empty nest. I am still not working (not full time) and both children will be in school. My husband has a list of projects I should be working on, so there is no shortage of things to keep me busy. But he also told me that my "job" is to go to the YMCA and get as many workouts in as possible (our insurance partially reimburses after 120 visits). Hopefully within the next month or two, I will begin another contrat to do remote IT work. That worked well last time and I would love to sustain our current lifestyle as long as I can. As much as my husband is willing to step in and be Mr. Mom when needed, I can tell you that the more traditional roles suit our family just fine.

-4-

We sustained an earthquake here this week. Of course, it has to be when I do the unthinkable: get a babysitter so I can have lunch with my boss.

If I must be honest, I ran into WalMart after the lunch because I had a few extra moments and needed to get more grub killer. I thought they were doing maintenance on the roof and it did cross my mind that the building was really swaying. But I never would have considered that there was an earthquake.

Earthquake on Tuesday, Hurricane on the weekend, I'm just waiting for the locusts.

-5-

Please pray for a resolution to my parish's religious education program dilemmas. It's a petty scheduling issue, but for our family, it really complicates things even though we penciled in PREP and found other activities that worked around that schedule, it seems that it may not work for us that way.

-6-

Our "theme" for this year is Responsiblility and Effort. I am trying to help my children understand that they can be responsible for their own things: schedule, homework, free time activities (piano practice!), as well as belongings and taking on chores. It's spun in a positive light that if they are more responsible and I only have to check in with them on their responsibilities, we'll have more time to play and relax together.

Effort is for my son, my kindergartener. He is a smart boy, but he loves to say that he is "too tired" to do things or that things are "too hard". Funny, he never makes those complaints about playing a video game. I want him to know that he is expected to put good effort into his schooling. Effort is what is important.

-7-

My current read is Rage Against God by Peter Hitchens. It's honestly been a tough read for me. I suppose I'm more inclined toward the spiritual accounts of finding one's way to grace. This book is a very historically based and interesting remark explaining how so many societies (England, specifically) have been secularized. I was moved more than once to write down references and page numbers in areas where I found the argument against atheism to be particularly compelling. I have yet to grasp the real power in how he himself returned to faith, however. I wonder if any of you have read the book and feel the same.

As always, Join Jen at Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes!

Miracles around us

2011-08-20T17:26:00.000-07:00

There are miracles all around us if we are only willing to look, to notice, and to acknowledge.

My neighbor and developing BFF is blossoming with the miracle of new life. Her tiny baby boy is going to be my godchild.

While tending to my very-weedy backyard area, I found that in my neglect, there were miracles happening. My beloved hibiscus is not only growing another offshoot, but the offshoot has pink/white rimmed flowers, unlike the red flowers already growing.

The banana plants are producing pups (babies) and even more miraculous, bananas.

And the empty place left behind by a bush destroyed by Old Man Winter is now the home of a butterfly bush that was a clear answered prayer. God will provide all that we need.

I decided to make tomato sauce this year.

I can cook, but to make sauce (gravy) felt intimidating, as I don't have an Italian bone in my body.

But I had faith, I chopped away, stirred, waited, and maybe said just one or two little prayers that it would work out.

My garden was pathetic, but my neighbors' garden was lush and twice they went away on vacation and begged that I take some veggies instead of letting them rot.

Somehow I successfully turned the veggies into sauce. That is no small miracle!

And my red grapes are already shiny and gelled.

And the purple grapes are full and bursting, the bees are buzzing busily, and the smell in the air is divine.

Divine.

A gift from God, indeed. All these good things, these miracles, these fruits, of humans, of friendship, of good deeds, and yes, the fruits of our gardens, are cause for thanksgiving and praise.

And Dear Lord, I can't stop praising you.

The rays of morning sun call me to prayer.

At every turn I find reason to fall to my knees in adoration. Your power, strength, and glory are not lost on me. My eyes well with tears at the sight of it all.

Your gentle ways, your soft earth and rich soil, my softened heart and yearning mind and praying hands are all of your design.

Just look at the loving arms of my children holding each other, as I have held them and as you hold me. You hold each one of us, calm our fears of the coming storms, and remind us to look for, to notice, to acknowledge the beauty and the miracles all around us.

I am learning to see, Lord. I am learning to see all of your goodness. And I thank you and praise you for opening my eyes to you, teaching me the gratitude that a loving and faithful heard require, and for providing all of these miracles every day.

Limited availability

2011-08-03T20:34:00.000-07:00

Due to technical difficulty, my avaabulity will be limited for the upcoming week.

Or

Since my computer crapped out and I just happen to need to plan for an upcoming beach trip as well as throwing a baby shower for my beloved friend (who is gestating my soon-to-be godson), I am not around much. My iPod offers some access to the interwebs, but only enough to scratch the itch. In the meantime, I am reading about learning to try show gratitude-eucharisteo-in one thousand gifts by Anne voskamp. It is great and wise and timely.

7 Quick Takes Friday - 20110729

2011-07-29T19:56:00.000-07:00

Jen Fulwiler hosts Quick Takes every Friday!

-1-

I am in the process of learning the new mass parts for the new translation of the Roman Missal. Our parish music director chose the Mass of Spirit and Grace. It's lovely and quite easy to learn. Hopefully this will make the transition a bit easier come Advent.

-2-
We harvested a 17lb watermelon this week.

I'll let you know how it tastes.

-3-

One more month until both of my children are in school! Bailey will be in 2nd grade and Jackson starts Kindergarten. I just want to soak up more of summer!

-4-

I have wanted to learn to make cake pops a la www.bakerella.com. My first attempt was poor. My 2nd attempt was a bit better.

-5-

On Wednesday I posted an odd photo.

This photo is my banana plant blossoming! This is highly unusual since we live in a Zone 5 climate. If I only had 6 more months of warm weather, we might get bananas.

-6-

Bailey got a piece of a wax earplug stuck in her ear canal, so I'll be calling the doctor first thing in the morning.

-7-

Tomorrow is my birthday. I found my present in the fridge tonight.

I first tasted the Milk Stout back in April and I haven't found it since, but my hubby found it for me!

Have a great weekend!

Struggles with faith

2011-07-28T04:09:00.000-07:00

I am Catholic. Of course, those of you who read my blog know that. I was born Catholic, raised in a mixed-bag of Roman and Orthodox Catholicism by cafeteria Catholic parents who eventually walked away from the church. But I found my own way back by the power of the Holy Spirit and I say with my whole heart that I am enthusiastically Catholic.

Yes, this means that I do my best to embrace all the teachings of my beautiful church. But it doesn't mean that I don't struggle.

I struggle with modesty. I wore my bikini just today to the pool.

I struggle with pride. I thought I looked pretty cute in my bikini and I was a tiny bit proud of how polite and well-behaved my children were.

I was once quite a feminist. I out-earned my husband by quite a bit, I have an education, I had a career in IT where I hung with the boys quite well. I believed that women should own their own sexuality, be very open to exploring their own bodies and desires, supported my lesbian, gay, bi, and transgendered friends in their quest to have marriages and relationships without bias and I certainly was in favor of controling my own fertility. It isn't that I regret that I once had such strong feelings on these topics. Truth be told, I'm torn up inside over many of them and I mull over them regularly.

I had a good string of years where I didn't see the inside of a church. When I returned for the first time as an adult, I couldn't remember which knee touched the ground on a genuflect and I couldn't remember the words to the Gloria, the Confiteor, and certainly not the Creed. Through God's great mercy, I have been forgiven for my absence and granted a beautiful depth of understanding of the celebration of mass, but also our faith lives outside of mass every moment of our lives.

I struggle with chastity within my marriage. I still do not know quite how it is defined within a marriage and I admit that maybe I think about it too much. I'm aware that extramarital affairs are not chaste, but beyond that, it is difficult for me to know what this means. Can I be seductive with my husband? Can I be immodest with him? Is there such a thing with one's own spouse?

I struggle daily with knowing how to be a good, true and faithful Catholic in 21st century America. Between Facebook and housekeeping, BodyCombat classes and prayers, I am still trying to figure it all out. There is a part of me that wants to jump in, cover my head, pray the Liturgy of the Hours, and give my life as a wife and mother over completely to God. But then I see the challenge of living in this world. Do I have a glass of wine to unwind? What do I wear to the pool? Can I watch average TV and movies with my husband? What if I lose my temper and cuss? Can I covet and indulge in a new outfit and shoes and feel good in them? Is it vain to desire so much to have a nice haircut and cute (trendy) haircolor? Can I light candles in my bedroom and lure my hubby in with my "sexy songs" soundtrack? Am I sinning by living as a part of the world around me? Or is this my challenge: to find God and to follow him while I live in this world, finding the distinctions quickly and easily.

This is a cross that I bear. I want to do good and be good and I wish I knew how exactly to please God. I want to be a good example of a Christian mother. I am not afraid to stand out, but I also believe I can be more effective and influential if I can blend in. It is in the blending in that I feel sinful at times, if I have to be honest.

So yes, I am Catholic. I am a happy, devout, joyful Catholic. But I struggle with all the same things most of you do. I just pray a lot about what is right in God's eyes and how I can live as he desires us to live.

Dear Heavenly Father, I want to do your will. Help me to see your ways in all things, great and small and to have the courage to always be true to it and find the peace and love and joy that always comes from pleasing you. I ask this through Christ the Lord who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever. Amen.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-27T05:16:00.000-07:00

I came from China and I love God

2011-07-25T04:59:00.000-07:00

Our dry erase board is a treasure trove. Sometimes I have no idea where these things come from, but I need to photograph them.

Bailey was apparently making a list of the things she knew how to say in American Sign Language, or at least that is what she told me!

We do love God, but we do not come from China. I'd like to think that I had recently been reading a great book called Choosing to See and because it caused me to cry so much, I had to give Bailey a brief description to let her know that it was just a sad story causing her mother so much grief.

Having a Mary Moment

2011-07-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen

I'm fairly certain the very first prayer I learned by heart was the Hail Mary. It is the prayer I whisper when I'm stressed, when I need to calm down, when I need to be strong, when I have a moment in traffic, when I see an ambulance, when I find a penny, when I pray for a friend, when I need a friend, when I just have no other words. But I have never had a Mary moment.

When I say that I never had a Mary moment, yes, I am talking about apparitions. I am talking about seeing roses on the wall, I am talking about smelling roses when you are nowhere near a garden, or even seeing a face on a grilled cheese sandwich. I am talking about intensely feeling the love of the mother of humanity around you when you are in your darkest hour. You know that there are folks, many folks, who have had real encounters with Mary, most often in their darkest hours of despair. Not many of us want to share the details of our despair, even if, or especially if it includes a visit from the Virgin mother herself. To you do we send up our sighs, our mournings, our weepings in this vale of tears.

However, Mary as a source of peace or hope is entrenched in our culture. Think of the Hail Mary pass, or a Beatles song, or even children's rhymes. Her face (or artistic impressions of her face) are the very picture of humility and peace and grace and hope. Her innocence and trust in the Lord are admirable. As a mother, she is not only the most excellent model of duty and calling and trust in the divine, but also the guidance that we all need as children of God. Blessed are you among women. She is a model for all mothers, but she is also our mother.

Mary is the mother not only of Christ, but of our church and of all of Christianity. She is the woman that bore and raised up the Son of God. Her great big YES to God's outlandish suggestion that she bear (t)his child changed the world. She dutifully fulfilled her responsibility as a Jewish mother to raise him according to the law. She protected him, fed him, comforted his tears. Full of Grace. She followed him to the cross. She wiped his face and held his broken body. She is the Immaculate Conception, destined from the start to be the purest of pure and most humble of the humble, but it was only by her own free will that she fulfilled God's calling. To exhibit such strength and faith, it is no wonder we pray to her in our darkest hour.
Pray for us, Holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

A close friend of mine confided recently a very intense Mary moment that she had a few years ago. Let me tell you this: her experience was very real and very intense. There is nothing quite like hearing from a real-life friend, one with whom you share recipes and childcare and hugs with, that she was visited by the Blessed Mother in one of her darkest hours and not only did she witness it, but her husband and daughter were also present. I get chills just thinking about it. A visit like that would be the gift of a lifetime. To be open to such an eternal experience says much to me about the depth of my friend's faith and the shallowness of my own.

In my moments of despair, I want to turn to Mary for help. I need another mother pulling for me, praying for me, and comforting me. I can have faith like Mary, keep hope like Mary, and Show Love like Mary, only if I am willing to turn to her for encouragement and intercession when I need her the most. Turn then, most gracious advocate, your eyes of mercy on us and guide our feet into the way of peace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Edit: I posted this on a Saturday very late in the evening. At mass today (Sunday morning), a Venetian priest visited and spoke about the story of the Miraculous Medal and encouraged us to all visit the shrine in Germantown, PA, or to at least pray the novena on Mondays, which can be done via live web feed. I wear a Miraculos Medal and I have prayed the novena, but I have not prayed it on Mondays as described.
Behold the Graces I shed upon all those who ask me!!!

These are the words that the Blessed Mother spoke to St. Catherine Laboure when she gave her the description of the miraculous medal and today the whole story was re-told to me. I openly prayed to have Mary be a greater influence in my life here on this blog and today the path was layed out for me. There are no coincidences!

7 Quick Takes Friday - 20110722

2011-07-22T05:15:00.000-07:00

I have been struggling with demons of procrastination when it comes to my blog. I sometimes come here and jot down ideas, but I have this issue where I completely freeze up and say nothing at all for fear of saying too much. Demons....

So today I am going to try to jump back in with Quick Takes that basically catch up my life.

-1-
Cooking
I have been really loving having a meal on the table every day. I have made homemade strombolis, beautiful pasta dishes, hearty stuffed peppers, soups, stews, mexican dishes, and more. My waistline proves it! Last night I threw together some pasta with cooked spicy Italian sausage, fresh peppers, onions, and tomatoes from my garden and a splash of cream and it rivals any pasta dish I've ever had in a fancy restaurant. The sausage was spicy, however, and to quote Bailey: "It tastes so good that it doesn't even matter that my mouth is on fire!"

-2-
Cleaning
My beloved blogger, cjane, recently did a series on her zone cleaning. While I have no idea where I learned my zone cleaning techniques, I seem to develop them wherever I move. I do not recall my mother specifically teaching me these things, although her house was very clean and tidy. My grandmother definitely zone-cleaned, however, so maybe I picked up her organization in the home. I am not obsessive (most of the time) with my cleaning and my house surely is not perfectly clean, however, I do try hard to keep up with it. Laundry gets done every day (I dry my clothing inside, so I need to do it this way). Othewise my week looks like this:

Monday: Groceries, clean up kitchen floor and recover house from weekend
Tuesday: Master bathroom and master bedroom
Wednesday: Clean kids' bedrooms, hall bath, spare room
Thursday: Dust and vacuum all of downstairs
Friday: Clean up kitchen
Saturday: Outdoor chores
Sunday: Generally a cooking/baking day

Someday I suppose I could go into even greater detail, but this is my pattern for keeping up the house.

-3-
Working
I have been gainfully employed for a few weeks, which has been a blessing and a curse. Sure, the money and the confidence boost (I still can do it!) have been great, but it is a struggle to balance the tasks of my (new) daily life with getting very detailed technical work accomplished. I have certainly used the TV in order to gain an hour or two of quiet time to have conference calls or dig into detailed issues and my Saturday afternoons and late-evenings I generally spent working. However, I am hopefully that more work like this will come my way when both kids start school in August. Then we can possibly afford to keep me at home a while longer. It is hard to get a well-paid job that only works 9-3 so that you can be home to put your kids on the bus and get them off the bus. But I am praying hard that it all works out!

-4-
Swimming
We have a pool membership and now that my work is winding down, we are finding our way to the pool much more often. Bailey is a completely different child in the water this summer and she only swam a time or two in between, so the only thing that really changed is her confidence. It's amazing what a good schoolteacher and a supportive home environment (read: mom not stressed to the max) can do for a child. She's doing so well. Jackson still needs direct supervision, but he can go underwater and find things on the bottom and he is getting stronger everyday. Just last week he didn't get in the pool without a noodle for floatation support and last night he swam a good 15 feet unassisted.

-5-
Resting
I have been able to rest and read now and then. This is a new phenomenon for me. I've read some great books based on recommendations from blogging friends and others. My recent most favorite was He Leadeth Me. I think I need to re-read it for how inspirational it was to hear the spiritual story of a priest on a mission who was sentenced to time in Siberian work camps. The faith and devotion to the Eucharist was inspirational and I will no longer grouse about fasting for an hour before mass! I have it so easy as an American Catholic woman in the 21st century.

-6-
Recharging
I have not been getting to the gym enough, which is where I generally re-charge. My work schedule prohibited that a bit. I am trying to get back into it. But I have been singing on an off all summer and I have been continuing to pray Lauds and Vespers most days. Now that I have learned how to read the prayers from the Christian Prayer book and not rely on an app on my iPod, I can actually pull the book out when I sit down for the evening with my husband and read through my prayers. I also read them (or say them aloud) every morning after he leaves for work. There are exceptions, of course, but I find nearly every day there is a glimmer if inspiration that directly speaks to my life and to my heart every day. It's amazing how God speaks to us in so many ways if we only listen. Those who have ears should hear.

-7-
Writing
Now here is where I struggle. Writing was supposed to be a big part of my life when I stayed home. I don't know why I hestitate so much to put my ideas on paper. I flounder. I gestate. I just can't seem to give birth to complete ideas that aren't perfect. Oh, yes, that's my problem. I can't seem to accept anything that is less-than perfectly researched and polished. Well, in my life there isn't much time for polish and perfection. I would ask for your advice, but I know it already. I need to approach my writing like I do my cleaning or my cooking or even my resting and recharging. Do a little every day and if I do, over a short time, I'll see big results. My kids have proven this approach in their swimming. A little effort goes a long way. What is my biggest stumbling block? I feel unproductive (and feel my husband's judging eyes) if I am just sitting here typing. I feel like I need to be productive and creating some sort of impact with every moment. This, in itself, is a demon.

Have a great week....And forgive me, I haven't even proofread this post! No time for polish. Take THAT, perfectionism!

Socks be gone!

2011-07-01T18:48:00.000-07:00

Never in my whole life have I ever felt so utterly oppressed by my sock-wearing that I needed to cast them off here and now. If I do take them off, they go inside my shoes (if I plan to put them back on) or into the hamper.

Yet in my home, nearly every day, I find abandoned socks from every other member of my family. They are left in random places, cast aside like losing lottery tickets.

I don't understand it.

I just pick 'em all up.

Just Punishment

2011-06-30T12:53:00.000-07:00

Recently I attempted to resolve a behavior problem by asking my children to write a sentence. My son wrote "I will keep things out of my mouth" three times after a short bout with putting his fingers in hiss mouth and a bigger issue of eating boogers He is not yet in Kindergarten, so it was difficult to write that three times as well as cease eating boogers.

My daughter has been asked to keep her hands to herself for a number of reasons. She touches our personal things, reads personal notes, cards, etc around the house, touches things in stores, tries to pick her brother up or touch him unnecessarily. So after a particularly rough time of this, I made her write "I will keep my hands to myself " 20 times. The next day she proudly showed me that she wrote it another 20 times, which was a great effort in making a change. I was starting to get the idea that it wasn't much of a punishment, although the behavior did decrease in frequency somewhat.

What I found on her desk early this week broke my heart. I didn't ask her to write this, but clearly it was something that meant something to her.

This is what Sundays should look like.

2011-05-22T19:34:00.000-07:00

Today did not look like this.

Today started at 6am for me, when I inexplicably awoke and found myself dashing off to the grocery store before anyone else even woke up. I broke up my val-paks of chicken breast and beef and had them frozen before I even finished my first cup of coffee.

We headed to a baptism for my dear friend's baby girl in Philadelphia, which used to be an hour drive, but now runs about 90 minutes each way. The luncheon to follow was lovely and we returned to a birthday party and pool-opening party for my friend/neighbor. The water was warmer than the air!

After a warm bath and a couple of stories for the kids, a glass of wine, two loads of laundry, a load of dishes done, a pile of clothes ironed and hung, and lunches packed for me, I think I'll try joining my hubby on that very couch right now.

Next week we'll get back on track and try to recreate what Sundays should really look like.

Teeth

2011-05-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

As mothers, there are so many surprises. For me, it's often been the oddest things that choke me up.

It isn't the normal things that give me pause.

It is the most unusual moments that sit heavy on my chest.

Of all the milestones that made me cry that happy/sad/bittersweet chest-heaving cry, it was markedly when my daughter got her first tooth.

There is something so very startling about that first white tooth poking into that gummy, adorable smile. Mind you, I was still nursing and part of my fear was also that these new teeth would interfere with that relationship, but mostly it was the shocking change in her appearance now that her beautiful smile was becoming that of a child and not a baby.

And honestly, what a beautiful smile she has. My daughter is of course silly and funny and smiles a lot, but she can be very serious and when she is serious, those smiles are hard-earned. Her smiles are a gift.

But of course, like most 6 and 7 year olds, she has been very anxious to start losing teeth, despite what our dentist told us about how lucky she's been to keep her baby teeth so long.

She wrote a story in Kindergarten about her wiggly tooth and a tooth fairy.

Kindergarten came and went.

Her smile stayed intact.

My daughter is not the chattiest child and doesn't come home to tell me every detail of her day, although I would love to hear it. But she did give me a run-down of the many children who had lost teeth. When did they lose the tooth, where, did they find the tooth or swallow it, did they get a little envelope to put it in or just wrap it in a tissue under the pillow. I got all of the teeth details.

The dentist assured us the teeth would come out eventually.

Then one day, she thought she had dried gum stuck to her mouth. Nope. It was the new tooth coming in! I encouraged her to keep wiggling the tooth to get it out and make room for the new one. It took more than a week, but finally, the tooth came out.

The tooth fairy planned to deliver $2 for this tooth, however, due to the beautiful letter detailing how long she had to wait to lose this little pearly gem and also inquiring about the ultimate destiny of said baby teeth because she found it suspicious that her grammy was able to show her mother's baby teeth to her, she received her special request for a full $5.

She really had been so very patient. And she was so PROUD.

And I only cried a very tiny bit.

Dear Lord, you should see how grown up that one big tooth seems to make her look. Every time she smiles, I'm reminded of her maturing look. And this is just one tooth! One more is now wiggly. And I think I'll cry just a little again. After all, it changes her smile...that beautiful smile.

7 Quick takes Friday - 20110520

2011-05-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

Join Jen and others for Quick Takes Every Friday!

Here are Seven Super Quick takes as I don't have much time, but I feel like I'm not blogging at all when I get busy and I figure that a little is better than nothing!

-1-

I can do a headstand unassisted! I really enjoy practicing yoga and two years in, I really feel like I'm finally settling into my practice and understanding where I can go with it. I often think about how other Christians marry their beliefs with their yoga practice.

-2-

I'm very tired of having American Idol results spoiled on Facebook. Usually I don't mind knowing things like this, but week in and week out is ridiculous. I mentioned it to my friend and she said "Well, someone ruined it for me, so I don't feel so bad about it." Well, well...

-3-

Speaking of adults who have very little idea of right and wrong and how to model this for children, I found out that on a school field trip yesterday, many parents decided that their own egos were more important than the very clear school rules that are writte in black and white and bought ice cream for the kids they were chaperoning. What if every parent cannot afford this? What if there is a child with food allergies that doesn't know if he can have ice cream? What if the parents simply do not want their child to have ice cream? See, the school has already run into all of these situations and makes it darn clear that chaperones are not to buy anything for children - including food/drink. It is for the safety of the kids, but also so that no child (or other parent) feels left out. Come on, the children will not die without an ice cream cone on the zoo trip and you are not a hero if you buy them a dessert. You COULD be a hero if you were strong enough to say no and respect the rules of the school. That's the kid of hero I want to be. I want to show my children that I respect the rules, too, and that is why they should. This kind of thing makes me nuts.

-4-

It looks like I will be starting to do a little part-time work from home. It should be something I can swing with the kids around or in the evenings and may help with some of our extra bills. The first think I'm going to do when I get paid is get a haircut!

-5-

I have been absent from blogger for a while. I'm digging in (literally) and getting our yard and gardens looking good for Spring/Summer. I've weeded, trimmed, removed shrubs, cut down trees, planted pushes, transplanted perennials, and got my veggie garden started. Just in time, God gave us a week of rainy weather and every single thing in my garden sprouted in under a week. Isn't God great?!

-6-

My husband has been working extra hard this year, especially recently. He is amazing and has stepped into the "provider" role with ease. I am so proud of him, so grateful to have him as my spouse, and so thoroughly in love with him.

-7-

So I'm hearing that the rapture is tomorrow? What does that even mean!?

Here I come!

2011-04-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

We certainly know the true meaning of Easter here, but I have been waiting for about a month to post this adorable photo of our bunny, Peter, who joined our family last Easter. Happy Birthday, Peter!

Now, off to the true celebration: the Resurrection of the Son of God!

Tea Party

2011-04-23T12:28:00.000-07:00

My children have been having endless tea parties. The tea set was a small surprise for my daughter who has been having an exceptional (but expectedly so) year in school. It wasn't a reward, per se, but just a little gesture to let her know how great she has done. The tea party has served cookies, teddie grahams, animal cookies, and even hard-boiled eggs.

Today my children wanted to have lunch with the tea set. I notice that both kids are dressed well and I get out my camera to capture the moment. I only notice later that I captured Bailey daintily drinking her tea while Jackson licks his Dorito.

Lesson: Don't serve Doritos at a tea party. Elizabeth, take note. I couldn't help but dedicate this post to you!

Holy Saturday Sermon

2011-04-23T10:10:00.000-07:00

This is a repost of something I read today. It spoke to the part of me that wondered about Holy Saturday and the awkward pause that is the time Jesus laid in the tomb. While we are waiting, Jesus is busy saving so many souls.

Holy Saturday Sermon

The best time you'll ever have waiting for the Sacrament of Reconciliation

2011-04-21T19:59:00.000-07:00

Lord, have mercy on us.
Lord, pour your mercy on your people.
Lord, Jesus, be merciful to your people.
Lord have mercy.
Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.

I have asked for mercy so many times this Lent. It is only fitting that I end my Lenten season with a good confession. Due to some scheduling difficulties, it's been hard to make normal confession schedules this Lent, so I managed to wait through most of choir practice and then sneak into the end of the line last night. I never regret the wait for the opportunity to meet with God's grace. But I must say last night may have been one of the most enjoyable waits I have ever had.

There was a woman returning to the church after dozens of years, making her first confession in that long so that she could be in good standing to receive communion. There was a gentleman with a booming voice telling about how he recieves the Eucharist every chance he gets. We discussed variations of the Act of Contrition. We sang some psalms. We discussed where the bathroom is located for the priest who needs to tend to his human body while tending the many, many sheep of his flock. I braided the hair of the girl in front of me.

Ok, so in retrospect many of you may not even thing this is interesting let alone fun. But I went for many years being a very sporadic confessor and I regularly sweat bullets before confessions (regardless of my sins, it's just the one-on-one that makes me sweat). But my opinions have changed and the more I go, the more I want to go. I can do an Examination of Conscience with in a few minutes of quiet prayer, or even without the prayer because I am always examining my conscience throughout the days. The one thing about regular confession is that the sins you do commit are easier to spot. Like splotches on a white canvas, just a few sins are easy to enumerate. But keep adding the sins on and you are likely to not know where sin ends and virtue begins. Lesson: Go often.

I can tell you that I always want to do good and be good after receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I enjoy a good penance (I got a pretty good one last night) that involves more than recitation of prayers. I enjoy the prescription for thoughfulness, for time with Jesus in front of the Blessed Sacrament, for meditation and soul-searching.

What a gift I had after my most lovely and enjoyable wait for confession: the proximity to Holy Thursday allowed me to complete my penance after the Mass of the Lord's Supper. To Come and Wait with Him. To wait and to watch and to pray with Jesus in that particular way on Holy Thursday is extraordinary. I found myself tonight completely vacant of all of the emotions I'd tried to recall in order to complete my penance. Void. Null. I no longer was dealing with the demons I'd just spoken aloud the night before and honeslty had been battling for weeks. Not only did I feel healed and clean, I felt the memory of them had also been washed clean. It was remarkable.

I'm not sure what happened this time that was different, but it just may have been all the fun I had on the way into the confessional. Bonding with other sinners seeking salvation just might be the special ingredient.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-04-20T07:52:00.000-07:00

Resurrection Eggs

2011-04-19T12:20:00.000-07:00

I have been reading a lot about Resurrection Eggs or Paschal Mystery Eggs. I knew right away that I wanted to try my hand at creating them not only for my family but for my Religious Education class to learn about the Passion of Christ.

Here is what I have come up with:

I decided on 18 eggs (I have 18 students) that start with the Last Supper since we meet on Tuesdays and I have already taught a lesson about Palm Sunday. It was difficult narrowing down my 18, but here is my final product:

Each egg is numbered and I will hide the eggs for the children to each find one, then I will put the children in order according to their numbered egg.

One at a time, each child will open the egg to reveal a small item that is representative of a piece of the Paschal mystery. It was SO much fun tracking down and/or making these items with my kids! I hope my students enjoy it. Also inside the egg is a bible verse. Some versions of the eggs just referred to the verse that could then be used to look it up in the bible. Since finding page numbers can be challenging for some of my 6 & 7 year olds, I decided to type up the verse and put the full text on the slip. I will have the bible as well as the Sunday Gospel reading from the Missal to refer to if I need to read more.

The items are in order as they would be opened, with the crushed stones still in the egg (because they are messy) and you can see the last egg is empty (the bible verse is curled next to it). It is difficult to see the cloves on the table. The crown of thorns is a length of ivy curled into a crown and then the leaves cut off. Below are the details:

1. Small Cracker (Last Supper) - Mark 14:22

And as they were eating, he took bread, and when he had blessed, he broke it, and gave to them, and said, Take ye: this is my body.

2. Silver coin(s) (Judas' betrayal) - Matt 26:14-15
Then one of the twelve, who was called Judas Iscariot, went unto the chief priests, and said, What are ye willing to give me, and I will deliver him unto you? And they weighed unto him thirty pieces of silver.

3. Small Cup of Foil (Last Supper) - Matt 26:26-29
And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed, and brake it; and he gave to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body. And he took a cup, and gave thanks, and gave to them, saying, Drink ye all of it; for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many unto remission of sins. But I say unto you, I shall not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom.

4. Feather (Peter's denial) - Matt 26:33-35; 75
But Peter answered and said unto him, If all shall be offended in thee, I will never be offended. Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, that this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.
[Three times Peter denies that he was with Jesus.]
And Peter remembered the word which Jesus had said, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And he went out, and wept bitterly.

5. Twine with knots in it or a small piece of rope (Bounding of Jesus)- Matt. 27:1-2 or Mark 15:1 or Luke 23:1 or John 18:28
Now when morning was come, all the chief priests and the elders of the people took counsel against Jesus to put him to death: and they bound him, and led him away, and delivered him up to Pilate the governor.
6. Small piece of leather (Scourging) – Matthew 27:26 or Mark 15:15
Then released he unto them Barabbas; but Jesus he scourged and delivered to be crucified.

7. Red fabric or purple fabric (Mocking)- Matt. 27:28-30 or Mark 15:17
And they stripped him, and put on him a scarlet robe. And they platted a crown of thorns and put it upon his head, and a reed in his right hand; and they kneeled down before him, and mocked him, saying, Hail, King of the Jews! And they spat upon him, and took the reed and smote him on the head.

8. Thorn (Crowning) Mark 15:17-19
And they clothe him with purple, and platting a crown of thorns, they put it on him; and they began to salute him, Hail, King of the Jews!

9. Die or Dice (Lots cast) John 19:23-24
The soldiers therefore, when they had crucified Jesus, took his garments and made four parts, to every soldier a part; and also the coat: now the coat was without seam, woven from the top throughout. They said therefore one to another, Let us not rend it, but cast lots for it, whose it shall be: that the scripture might be fulfilled, which saith, They parted my garments among them, And upon my vesture did they cast lots.

10. Cross (Carrying of Cross) John 19:17-18
They took Jesus therefore: and he went out, bearing the cross for himself, unto the place called The place of a skull, which is called in Hebrew, Golgotha: where they crucified him, and with him two others, on either side one, and Jesus in the midst.

11. Nail (Crucifixion) John 15:16
They therefore cried out, Away with him, away with him, crucify him! Pilate saith unto them, Shall I crucify your King? The chief priests answered, We have no king but Caesar. Then therefore he delivered him unto them to be crucified.

12. Sponge (I Thirst) John 19:29
There was set there a vessel full of vinegar: so they put a sponge full of the vinegar upon hyssop, and brought it to his mouth. When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up his spirit.

13. Crushed rock or dirt (Earthquake) - Matt. 27:50, 51 & 54
And Jesus cried again with a loud voice, and yielded up his spirit. And behold, the veil of the temple was rent in two from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake; and the rocks were rent;
Now the centurion, and they that were with him watching Jesus, when they saw the earthquake, and the things that were done, feared exceedingly, saying, Truly this was the Son of God.

14. Sword or spear (Piercing of the side) - John 19: 34
The soldiers therefore came, and brake the legs of the first, and of the other that was crucified with him: but when they came to Jesus, and saw that he was dead already, they brake not his legs: howbeit one of the soldiers with a spear pierced his side, and straightway there came out blood and water.

15. Linen Cloth (Burial) Matt 27:57-60
And when even was come, there came a rich man from Arimathaea, named Joseph, who also himself was Jesus' disciple: this man went to Pilate, and asked for the body of Jesus. Then Pilate commanded it to be given up. And Joseph took the body, and wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, and laid it in his own new tomb, which he had hewn out in the rock: and he rolled a great stone to the door of the tomb, and departed.

16.Rock (Closing the tomb) Matt 27:62-65
Now on the morrow, which is the day after the Preparation, the chief priests and the Pharisees were gathered together unto Pilate, saying, Sir, we remember that that deceiver said while he was yet alive, After three days I rise again. Command therefore that the sepulchre be made sure until the third day, lest haply his disciples come and steal him away, and say unto the people, He is risen from the dead: and the last error will be worse than the first. Pilate said unto them, Ye have a guard: go, make it as sure as ye can.

17. Whole Clove (Spices for burial) Mark 16:1
And when the sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James, and Salome, bought spices, that they might come and anoint him.

18.Empty (He is Risen) Mark 16:5-6
And entering into the tomb, they saw a young man sitting on the right side, arrayed in a white robe; and they were amazed. And he saith unto them, Be not amazed: ye seek Jesus, the Nazarene, who hath been crucified: he is risen; he is not here: behold, the place where they laid him!

Other Egg Ideas to include the full Holy Week:
Palm Branch for Palm Sunday
Soap for the washing of the feet
Flower for the Agony in the Garden.

Enjoy making your own Resurrection Eggs!

Fire Station!

2011-04-18T13:00:00.000-07:00

Recently Jackson and I were able to tour a fire station. It was a lot of fun for everyone! Look how long his legs suddenly seem. This is a sure sign that toddler-hood is over and he is approaching being ready for school. I can't get over it. Of course, he is still only 39" tall and 30lbs. Peanut.

Jackson was so thrilled to see inside this fire station that we pass by nearly every single day. It was a very special event!

Update on Fasting

2011-04-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

I had a slip on my fasting. I've moved on, but I have to share that I am so disappointed. Honestly, my parents bullied me into it. We visited them yesterday and we had a meal together and then my mother set out cookies and there was a freshly baked pie and offers for ice cream sandwiches. I said several times that I just didn't want anything (I didn't). Then when I finally said that I had given up baked goods: cookies, cakes, pies and candies for Lent, I was served up a piece of pie and my mother muttered about how she "gives up enough already". I wasn't using my Lenten sacrifice to jugde anyone else. It was for ME. It's no wonder I was never able to lose weight, quit smoking, or do anything that required some discipline while I lived at home. NUTS. I at the stinkin' pie, but only to shut up my parents, which I am embarassed to say. And it was ok, but certainly not worth breaking the fast like my desired fudge brownie ice-cream sunday would have been!

Hosanna to the Son of David

2011-04-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

Today's Gospel reading at Mass was one account of the Passion. It moves me every single time to near tears.

I folded dozens of crosses tonight of palm for my religous ed class. Blessed is He, oh, blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!

How did the baptism go?

2011-04-03T08:09:00.000-07:00

My four-year-old was baptized yesterday as a Christian. There was a lot of drama and heartache leading up to the event in the last few weeks, not only in the last few years leading up to this day. But I can say with certainty that this was the most beautiful baptism I could have ever imagined.

Jackson was aware of what was happening. We talked about it a lot leading up to the day and I shared with him what I could about the day so that he would know what to expect. He was pretty excited about it, although at the last minute when asked if he was excited, he'd say "Yes, but not too much." He was up at 7am and sneaking down the stairs in his footy pajamas like it was Christmas morning, though. So I think he was pretty excited.

My goodness he looked handsome. I tried to make the best of what we already had without investing in white shoes and such. I think we did ok. He certainly liked what he was wearing and swaggered around in his outfit for quite a while.

He was quiet and well-behaved and listened as well as you could expect him to listen. And as my husband held him and when the deacon poured water over his head and joyfully exclaimed that he was being baptized in the name of the Father and the name of the Son and the name of the Holy Spirit (imagine that all in slow motion), he giggled and giggled. And I teared up and felt completely surrounded by the Holy Spirit.

Maybe some of these rituals and rites are traditions or just steps we walk through for the sake of complying with the "church" as an institution and creating the paper trail we all need these days to enter religious education and receive sacraments or get married or practice the faith we humans have turned into a religion. But after yesterday, I am fully comforted by knowing that these traditions really do carry with them the grace and power of the Holy Spirit. These words, these formulas, these rituals and rites combined with faith and love of God really do summon in every one of us a powerful feeling. I felt it.

I am very excited to know that I have begun the undertaking of raising a good Christian man. While I was on my way to doing that before, I have officially accepted the responsibility and I have given great thanks to God for the gift of this child and God will now always call Jackson by name.

Jackson and his godmother, my sister Kristie

Jackson and his godparents, Jeanine and David

My family

We had a lovely lunch afterward with family and friends and I felt very blessed to have the support of those who did attend. Everyone got along and enjoyed each other with few exceptions.

Today we were back to referreeing the children's battles, time-outs and the other frustrating tasks of parenting. But now we do it knowing that God is watching closely over all of us.

Happy Ending

2011-03-29T05:41:00.000-07:00

Lent is a time of fasting. I am trying to discuss this idea with my 1st grade CCD class in a way that lets them know that grown ups choose to go without something they love during Lent as a way to discipline ourselves and remind ourselves that the important things in life are not things at all: not chocolate or coffee or the television. The important things are provided by God. So once a year, during Lent, we take the opportunity to re-train ourselves to know that we can't satisfy all of our needs with earthly things. Our thirst or hunger for something good can only truly be satisfied by a relationship with God.

Faith can be a very personal thing for many of us, but it is also so powerful for children to see a strong faith community around them. I am encouraging the parents of my students to be open about their own Lenten fasting because it really sets a good example for them to see their parents being obedient to God. Show me an disobedient parent and you are more likely to find a disobedient child!

I had a very interesting discussion with my own children in Friendly's this weekend as everyone indulged in ice cream sundaes and I sipped from the dregs of my iced tea glass. It was even I that chose the restaurant despite the temptation. I gave up all sweets/desserts for Lent. Believe me, I wanted my Happy Ending. For the most part, my Lenten fasting is not too difficult, but this particular day I really had to reason with myself. I thought through every excuse I could think of as to why I should just indulge in a dessert. I considered how maybe it would be ok as long as I didn't choose chocolate ice cream since normally I only give up chocolate for Lent. Even my daughter suggested that since I never indulge on Sunday when I technically can "break the fast", I was owed this one treat.

Does my mouth still water with the thought of a banana split? Absolutely. But the real desires of my heart go beyond the sweet taste if ice cream. And sometimes it does take a few weeks of going without to truly believe in that again. It seems like only with that empty spot in my heart, longing for something more, that I really feel open to receiving God. It makes me think long and hard about the idea that God truly loves the poor and casts down the rich. The rich (or overindulged, like most of us) are already satisfying their needs with earthly things. It is only those with a longing in their hearts that can truly appreciate the blessings of the Lord. This is exactly why greed and gluttony are sins.

As I told my children (both those at home and in the classroom), what I really want is not the ice cream; I reall want the true Happy Ending: Salvation. If giving up a little of the good stuff here on earth prepares me for the good stuff for all eternity, then I will happily stick with my watered-down iced tea and Thank God for all of the tremendous blessings he offers.

7 Quick Takes Friday - 20110318

2011-03-18T09:59:00.000-07:00

Join Quick Takes every Friday at ConversionDiary.com

-1-

Since my lenten sacrifice of yummy desserts kept me from the gold coins, green pudding, green frosted doughnuts and cupcakes and all other green treats, I indulged in a yummy beer. I like my cabbage either spicy or with vinegar, but when I decided on the beer, I skipped the vinegar. I haven't have a beer in a long time (maybe 2 years) and it was so delicious that after I had a brief nap from it's sleepy gifts at the kids' bedtime, I had another.

-2-

The week has been laden with emotions. My sister is not accepting of the choice we made to go with neighbors for godparents so that we can move on with the sacrament. She's threatening to ruin family gatherings and never speak to me again if I choose a friend over her. It's a very big mess, but with prayer and patience, the answers are being revealed to me. I pray that the day itself is just a time of joy and we can move beyond this in so many areas.

-3-

The weather is supposed to hit 75 degrees here today! I'm going to take the kids to the park for a while after school and before ballet.

-4-

I registered my baby for Kindergarten yesterday. He surely doesn't look like a kindergartener, but he was so charismatic and sweet that I think he convinced everyone involved that he is more than ready. He was even waving goodbye and saying "So nice to meet you!". He's quite charming.

-5-

Today was picture day for my daughter and I almost forgot. We pulled it out with a trendy side-ponytail and a quick change of shirt. Whew! I normally don't buy the 2nd half of the years' photos, but wait and see these will be great! The photo above is NOT from this morning, thank goodness. Some of her outfits are surely photo-worthy, but not in the school-portrait sense!

PS: Those twinkle-toes were some of her favorite shoes, not surprisingly since most of the rest of her shoes are from Wal-Mart or Payless. She wore them to a birthday party last week where the children need to be in stocking feet and someone took her shoes! The worst part is that a pair exactly like them was left behind, although they are two sizes larger than my daughter wears. So someone hastily grabbed her shoes and then later found out they were 2 sizes too small, I guess. I have been calling all week hoping someone returns them.

-6-
I have so many posts in the works on various topics: fasting, confessions, my religion class, my husband's work, my thoughts about returning to work, wishes for spring and gardening... I am trying to complete something of substance sooner than later!

-7-

I asked a friend for help with the LoH and by golly, I think I might have it! I really quite enjoy turning pages instead of always relying on technology. The pieces are coming together and the words are so inspiring and pertinent that I look forward to reading the prayers. I would love to continue this outside of Lent this year.

I hope you all had a blessed St. Patrick's day. May we all have the courage to fulfill our calling in life the best way we can! St. Patrick converted many, many Irish to Christianity, leading to one of the most culturally significant groups of Catholics, the Irish Catholics, of whom I am one. And so are these monkeys.

The Prayer of St. Patrick

2011-03-17T05:45:00.000-07:00

The Prayer of St. Patrick

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven;
Light of the sun,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of the wind,
Depth of the sea,
Stability of the earth,
Firmness of the rock.

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me;
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's hosts to save me
Afar and anear,
Alone or in a mulitude.

Christ shield me today
Against wounding
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through the mighty strength
Of the Lord of creation.

7 Quick Takes Friday - 20110311

2011-03-11T06:44:00.000-08:00

-1-

I have unintentionally caused a bit of a stir among some of my regular acquaintances with my willing sacrifice to give up all desserts for Lent. I have had to field a variety of questions clarifying my sacrifice, which I hadn't really thought about. The group meets at Starbucks for storytime once a week, so we often have a treat while we are there, which is why the conversation came up. Can I have a smoothie? A sweet coffee? Canned fruit?

I guess I am just not thinking all that hard about the ingredients. It is more the thought that those "desserts" should be saved for special treats, not regular daily food. A sweet coffee probably does fall into that category and the last smoothie I had was well over a year ago, so that's a non-issue. However, if I consume some sugar from canned fruit, I hardly would feel like I am cheating.

-2-

Sometimes I wonder why I blog in the shadow of blogs like Conversion Diary. Jen Fulwiler just says most of what I want to with so much more wit, intelligence and grace than I could ever dream of. Now if she would just finish her book. ;)

My point here is that she discussed today the idea of giving up something good so that the celebration of Christ's resurrection on Easter is accompanied by a real celebration of something good (and often delicious) on Easter morning. On the other hand, I distinctly remember the first year I truly fasted from chocolate. I thought about that Reese's peanut butter egg for a full 7 weeks. When I finally ate one on Easter morning, I was sorely disappointed in how it tasted! Mind you, I have re-trained my tastebuds to appreciate such goodies once again, but sometimes the sacrifice teaches us that the habit is just that, a habit. This year, my obsession is M&Ms. Why do they have to be so good? And crunchy? Yet melty? Ahhhh.....

-3-

I am skipping yoga and the gym today and having a husband-prescribed day "to relax". I usually do not actually do that when I am told and then I later pout about not doing it (martyr?), but today I am doing it. I'm going to do some stuff around the house, but I'm also going to read and rest and overall RELAX.

-4-

The reason I am being prescribed this day to relax is becasue I had a very long night. I had a very difficult conversation with my sister and I am busting out into tears every time I think about it. I said a few things I am not proud of and I was hurt a few times in ways that cut deep.

-5-

There is a very large investigation into the behavior of certain priests being conducted in the Archdioscese of Philadelphia. This is a shame and a very sad situation. But my thoughts on this are too immature to even share. What I do have thoughts to share on is the responses from people on Facebook about how this makes them questin their religion, or how this makes them glad they don't even go to church, etc. I feel like you should be careful what you say on Facebook and how you openly condemn a whole religion. If you so easily walk away from the church, then I feel like the faith wasn't there to begin with. And I feel like people use this type of news as a reason to not walk the narrow path. They make it their own personal excuse for their personal relationship with God.

-6-

I have asked our Director of Religious Ed to help me learn how to actually pray the Liturgy of the Hours. I have the book/guide I need and I have an app on my iPod Touch. More often than not, I use the iPod becasue I cannot figure out how the book/guide work together and how to actually connect all o fthe pieces. I'm looking forward to having a real-life person to talk to about this.

-7-

Life is so busy. We are not one of those families who signs our kids up for so many things and are running all the time because we want our kids to be involved in everything. Bailey has a 1/2 hour piano lesson per week and is now starting a 45 minute dance lesson. Jackson will start T-ball in two weeks. That alone is manageable, but then we also have religious ed on another night, and my husband works a part-time job on 3 other nights! Our lives just feel hectic even though we intentionally seek out simplicity.

Join Jen and many others for interesting Quick Takes every Friday.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-09T12:18:00.000-08:00

Lent 2011

2011-03-08T04:35:00.000-08:00

I have been anticipating Lent for a long time this year. I mistakenly thought Ash Wednesday was on February 9th (because I'm a natural blonde), so I have had a while to consider what Lent might look like in our house.

Last year for Lent I took on a big project (for me) and prayed the Liturgy of the Hours, Lauds and Vespers daily. I also prayed the rosary when I could (most days I could) and gave up chocolate. I also gave at least 2 meals to my church's Aid for Friends program, which takes home-cooked meals to shut-ins.

In retrospect, I have to say that my prayer life has greatly improved since last year. It surely has had it's ups and downs, but overall, I pray more often, with more devotion, and I feel much, much closer to God. I am also slowly, slowly getting over my inability to pray with a group (thank you, CCD class) and been embracing more spontaneous prayer. I no longer have a commute that makes praying the rosary a daily event, but I do pray it when I have the opportunity.

I have also continued to give meals to our parish whenever possible, usually a few per month.

The one thing that didn't "stick" is my quest to give up chocolate. Oh, I gave it up for Lent alright, but I can't tell you the number of bags of M&Ms I have gone through this year. The reality is that I don't expect that giving up chocolate will be a lifetime of refusing brownies or rocky road ice cream. But I do desire to have a little more self-control.

Being at home full-time makes me happy. Baking makes me happy. Providing yummy treats for my family makes me happy. I fell into this trap when I first got married. Ask my poor husband how much weight he (and I) gained in my happiness! I need to get back to basics. To have something sugary and sweet should be a treat, not a daily (or hourly) occurrence. It also gets in the way of the hard work I do in the gym to honor my body. I'm undermining my own good works!

I need to believe that God will provide all the sustenance I need! My own physical desires should not be greater than my desire to grow in holiness.

So this year, my Lenten plan is this:

Fast: Fast as required (Ash Wednesday and Fridays). Also, a full fast from cookies, cakes, ice cream, candy.
Pray: At minimum, Lauds and Vespers privately as well as nightly prayers with my children. Add a rosary at least 1x per week.
Give: Two meals per week, plus the $$ saved by fasting on Ash Wednesday and all Fridays.

Have a blessed, sanctifying lent everyone!

To sing a child into Heaven

2011-03-06T18:45:00.000-08:00

This past week I experienced something so deeply human and touching that I don't know that I could really express it in words. I sang at a funeral for a newborn baby. While I cannot share details for obvious reasons, I will share with you the feelings that I have because this event has greatly impacted my life.

First, I want to say something to the effect of how coffins should never be so tiny. But the reality is that life begins and ends and varying degrees and so many even younger babies are forgotten through abortion, not even given the proper baptism and burial that this child was given. Pray for these souls that they may rest in Jesus's loving embrace.

Fly, like a bird, to the Lord, my Soul. I want to soar like an Eagle. Though I may journey far away from home, I know I'll never be alone.

Ken Canedo

Second, I was astonished at how strong and stoic and faith-filled young people can be. At my ripe old age of 34, the parents seemed like mere children. While the mom seemed vacant, like she was retreating to another place in order to cope (who can blame her?), the dad was strong. He looked exausted, wearly, worn, but he was coping. And that was beautiful. And his rememberances, no matter how controversial, were faith-filled.

Do not be afraid, I am with you. I have called you each by name. Come and follow me, I will bring you home; I love you and you are mine.
David Haas

Third, never underestimate the impact of a small, seemingly brief life. Not a single soul in that church will remain the same. Not a single heart will beat quite the same rhythm. I will be praying for this child and for her parents for many, many days, weeks, and maybe years to come.

Come Home, Come Home, you who are weary, comem home; earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling, calling for you to come home!
Thompson

Lastly, the Holy Spirit will lead us in all things, big and small, and always through the impossible. And Mother Mary will come to comfort us.

7 Quick Takes Friday (20110725)

2011-02-25T04:37:00.000-08:00

-1-

I am looking forward to Lent. I know it is a time of penance and not a time for partying, but I am at a point in my life where I could use a little structure in the way of prayer and I am also looking forward to some fasting and almsgiving. The plan, while simple, is unfolding, but is well within my means and I'm looking forward to the conversion of the experience. Of course I will daily look to one of my favorite faith sites, BustedHalo, for their Lenten Calendar.

-2-

It has struck me more than once that I truly have a (re)conversion story to write. And I should. While I have never completely walked away from my faith, I certainly had teenage years where I toyed with the idea of being athiest or at least agnostic. Follow that with a near decade of being a cultural Catholic more than a faith-filled person. What has led me back? How has having an active relationship with Jesus affected my life and all of my other relationships? There is a lot to think about and organize into words.

-3-

We are traveling to meet our new neice this weekend, Zoe Elizabeth. I'm so excited! It has been quite a while since I have held a newborn and I am anxious to drink in all of her new-life-smell!

-4-

I am stumped as to why I work out 4-5 days per week for 1-2 hours at a time, varying intense cardio with weights and athletic types of yoga and I still cannot lose a pound. I am also stumped as to why the M&M bag in the pantry is always empty. Please, discuss amongst yourselves (and then go back to #1...this year I plan to give up all sweets: cake, cookies, candy, chocolate, muffins, etc for Lent).

-5-

On a similar note, I created beautiful chocolate mousse for dessert on Valentine's day. Even the children loved it. I just have to make it again. There were some leftovers (it was quite rich and made 6 servings) and the children chose it the next night over every other thing in the house. I got stuck eating the cupcakes while my children dined on 70% cocao dark chocolate mousse. You know you love your kids when.....

-6-

I seem to have had two weeks of chronic tiredness. I am going to bed too late and the reality is that weekends do not lead to sleeping in or napping now that our children have social lives and we have family things to do. If it isn't a playdate, it's a plan to paint something and if it isn't a family (travel) obligation, it's a promise made to the children for a mid-afternoon movie or activity together. Gone are the days of "napping when the baby naps" every Saturday or Sunday. If I close my eyes, I can almost feel those blissfull mid-afternoon sleeps fall over my eyes. So this realization has made me understand why old people's bedtimes gradually get earlier and earlier with age. Soon I'll be going to bed right after my children just to keep up with them. Now that I am also an old person, of course.

-7-

We have a date (but no time yet) for my son's baptism. It will be on a Saturday for a variety of reasons. No wonder I am so looking forward to Lent! My son will be baptised into God's family before Easter comes (April 2nd). For those of you who have supportive Catholic families, it may sound crazy to you that I have 1) still not had my 4 year old baptized and 2) are so excited about it after waiting 4 years it shouldn't come off as such a big event. The truth is that I was allowing my natural family to allow their lack of commitment, lack of faith, selfishness, sin, and pride get in the way of my child's own Christian initiation. I have prayed about this for a long, long time, but now I know for sure that sometimes the right path is to make your own family with other people who share the same values. The bonus is that in the end you will have the support of both.

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T11:45:00.000-08:00

This is what Valentine's Day looks like in our house:

Heart-Sprinkled Cupcakes

Preschooler Valentines

Kiddie Love

Fresh Strawberries

Handmade Valentines for Classmates

We'll finish with heart-shaped pizza and a bottle of champagne for the adults.

I hope you and your loved ones have a blessed day of love as well!

Romance

2011-02-13T18:56:00.000-08:00

I am far from what you would call romantic.

I am practical. I do not want chocolates in a heart-shaped box when I can buy M&Ms in a plastic bag. I forgo silky nighties for flannel pajamas. I prefer houseplants to long-stemmed roses. I'd rather a home-cooked meal than an expensive dinner out. I am the girl who announces "I'm not spending money on a card for you, so don't buy one for me."

For some reason, however, I find myself enjoying the idea of romance much more this Valentine's Day. The Mr. and I renewed our vows at our parish's annual Valentine's Marriage mass and reception this past weekend. I primped and painted my toenails and curled my hair and wistfully looked forward to the event like a schoolgirl. I felt very romantic. Even my husband put on a fresh (red) shirt and showered and shaved.

Mass was beautiful. As I am new to music ministry, I still feel the full impact of some of these hymns in a way some of the more seasoned ministers do not. The Wedding Song (Paul Stookey) we sung has been resounding in my head.

Well, a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home, they shall travel onto where the two shall be as one. As it was in the beginning, is not and 'til the end, woman draws her life from man and gives it back again and there is love, there is love....For if marriage of your spirits here has caused Him to remain, for whenever two or more of you are gathered in His name, there is love, oh there's love.

I find this Christian marriage-themed music incredibly romantic. This is where true romance lies: where a man and a woman are joined as one, with God, nothing on earth shall tear them apart. The whole idea of being joined as one with my husband and with God, my heart goes pitter-patter in a way that stuffed animals, champagne, and roses just can't touch.

Last year, my husband and I were officially married in the church in a convalidation ceremony in front of many other couples in our parish, so this is also an anniversary of sorts. It was a brief, but moving and very beautiful ceremony. The formality of it was very important to me, but what I didn't realize was the impact it might have on my marriage overall. After 12 years of marriage, I think I would have to say that the last year has been the best and I am not at all beyond giving God the credit for that. To include Him in our marriage, to pray for my husband daily, and to aim to be Christ-like in my love for my husband have all truly given my marriage a depth that it lacked before.

I didn't take a single photo from our night out. We will be receiving a professional photo from the event and I can share when that becomes available. Highlights from the evening include privately and joyfully flubbing the vows, losing at the Newlywed Game and receiving an "award" for marriage counseling, and my husband elbowing someone with his piece of chocolate in an attempt to win a scavenger hunt. All in all, it was a great date night full of romance, although not much of the flowers and candy kind and a lot more of the "grow old with you" kind.

7 Quick Takes Friday 20110211

2011-02-11T04:28:00.000-08:00

Please Join Jen and others every week for more quick takes!

Super quick thoughts for this week because I have lots of primping to do!

-1-

I am just giddy with excitement today. My neighbor and close friend is keeping our children overnight (this will only be the 2nd time we are away from them for a sleep) so that my husband and I can go to our parish's marriage mass and Valentine's dinner/dance afterward. I can't wait to primp a little, have some good food, good music, and maybe convince my hubby to dance with me a little!

Last year we convalidated our marriage at this mass. So this is an anniversary of sorts. And I have to say, this may have been one of our best years of marriage yet. Despite all of the crazy changes in our lives and some very uncertain moments, I feel so deeply in love with my husband and I am very thankful for my faith and how far that has taken me in appreciating my marriage and my husband.

-2-

Making snowmen is hard work! This is the largest we managed to build. Maybe the scale increases as the size of the children increases.

-3-

Confession is on my mind. It often is. I'm sure you have heard about the confession app by now. I don't see how it is much different from the various pdf files that provide an examination of conscience prior to confession. For me, however, I am stumbling because I have an opportunity for a very convenient confession time (right before choir practice, when I am in the church anyway), but I generally do not confess to my parish priest and I feel very nervous about it. Not that my sins are more horrible than anyone elses sins, but I need to lay out all my dirty secrets and it makes me feel a little akward. When the time got changed, I was just going to start going there right way and let it just be what it is, but a week or two has passed now and I lost my nerve.

-4-

For a good two weeks, I thought Ash Wednesday was this week. Idiot!! I wondered why there wasn't much in our parish bulletin about it. Ha!

-5-

I could use some prayers for a friend of mine battling cancer (prostate). Not only does he mostly need prayers for physical healing, but also mental and emotional peace. He can be very sensitive and brooding and we need him to stay positive. His wife has a lot on her plate and threw her back out completely and really needs prayers for strength.

-6-

I am re-thinking how I use Facebook. I check it daily, but everything I post is well-filtered, knowing it is going out to a mass group of people. I wonder if I should either narrow my list of friends or just post less.

-7-

Our dry erase board often contains gems. I love how on this one, I am so much taller. Where is Daddy? Why is Bailey's hair so short? I should stop questioning and just enjoy!

Obedience to God and the Presentation of the Lord

2011-02-03T04:32:00.000-08:00

On Monday, I wrote about Jackson, my beloved son.

On Wednesday, I braved icy roads to attend mass on the feast of the Presentation of the Lord. Normally I do not attend daily mass or an 8am on a feast because of bus schedules, but I was scheduled to sing. There were only six of us in the church total, and that included two priests. I have never, ever attended a celebration of the Eucharist in such an intimate setting. (The pressure of knowing every word to every prayer and response as well as when to sit and stand is daunting!) It was very moving and is an experience I likely will not forget.

Mary and Joseph, in all their joyful humility, took their son to the temple as an offering, according to Jewish law. This son, brought into the world under such tumultuous circumstances and born in a manger and then visited by so many as the savior of the world, would have been rather hard to offer up, don't you think? I cannot imagine offering my own son up as a sacrifice to God, even in a symbolic way. Or can I? The other purpose of the visit to the temple on the 40th day is for purification for the mother. I think that is a beautiful subtext to this feast day.

In religious education classes, I have been talking to the children about obedience to God. Not only do we follow the commandments, but we also honor God by following the rules of our parents and teachers. Obedience is a sign of love and respect. My class can be challenging, to say the least, so I laid on the obedience lesson a little bit thick. Humility has a tricky way of pulling the Holy Spirit close and making us sit up and listen.

My own son, my beloved baby boy, has still yet to be baptized. I have a list of excuses that I could give you to explain why this has not yet happned. My daughter was baptized when she was 2 or 3 months old. This always bothered me and I have surely written about it here. But the fact of the matter is that I am his mother and if I feel that this needs to be done, it is my responsibility to make it happen. All day long on the Presentation of the Lord, I felt absolutely nagged by my utter disobedience to God in this respect.

With all that being said, I have asked my friend and her husband to be Godparents to Jackson. We will schedule the baptism in the upcoming months in a way that is discreet, considering Jackson's age, but also very special and meaningful.

My Son

2011-01-31T04:31:00.000-08:00

My son is a real stinker lately. He may have turned 4 this past summer, but he just his the "FOUR" I remember. Some people have terrible twos. For me, I firmly believe that four is the toughest age to parent.

At four, your face has generally started to lose it's baby-fat roundness. Your speech pattern and thoughts only hold small flickers of the past toddler-years. You are smart enough to write your name, count to one hundred and then some, and understand and remind us all of the rules of our household.

But you are also defiant and stubborn enough to cross your arms and refuse to behave. Or throw yourself on the floor and say you are too tired to go up to bed. Or hit your sister in the face becasue she doesn't look up and answer you quickly enough for your taste.

At four, you know what you want. At four, you think you know what you need. I can explain the rules and the expectations of watching one TV show to you 100 times and have you sign and official document in blood agreeing to the terms and conditions that the TV will go off as soon as the credits start to roll, yet you will still pitch a fit, throw yourself on the floor and then blubber like a baby who lost his binky when the time comes.

And you think that if a book or video game or toy is interesting enough, you can opt out of sleep until one of the "growed ups" finds you like this.

Then you will do without video games and books and toys in bed for a week. Hey, at four years old, there are consequences. And you won the momma lottery when I comes to follow-through. Remember when your sister bit a boy on the school bus becasuse when she asked him to stop teasing her, he asked her what she would do if he did not and she told him she'd bite him? She knows that we mean what we say and we follow through on our promises, both good ones and bad ones.

But I will admit it is hard to punish you when I look at a face like this. Every now and then I see those glimmers of babyhood. Those yummy, chubby cheeks, those sparkling blueberry eyes and that little mouth and little hands are hardly big enough to cause any mischief at all. What a ruse!

Four is bittersweet. Four feels like the last year of true babyhood. Once Kindergarten starts, time will fly by too fast and I will never keep up. So for now, I love four-year-olds the best, even if you challenge me day and night. Becasue I love you, Mr. Jackson.

Now it is time to wake you. I didn't even get into how difficult that can be!

**All photos courtesy of the Kid Tough children's camera. My daughter was the lucky photographer.

Another Snow Day

2011-01-26T05:20:00.000-08:00

We woke up this morning to new snow.

Even our new pet seemed happy to be allowed to stay indoors.

The school-kid and the husband will both be home today.

I see some more of these brownies in our future.

7 Quick Takes Friday - 20110121

2011-01-21T05:29:00.000-08:00

Join Jen at ConversionDiary for Quick Takes every Friday.

-1-

What a horrible wifey I am! Apparently my husband has been leaving subtle and not-so-subltle hints that he has some terrible back pain and I have not much noticed. He headed to the chiropractor tonight, but he is still not feeling great. He had some pain in his heel a while ago (possibly heel spurs) and I think he has changed his gait to accommodate it, possibly leading to back pain. Or it could be out mattress. It's horrible. Does anyone have a Sleep Number bed? There is a huge discrepancy in my weight and my husbands (he's at least 2x my weight) and I wonder if that bed would help us.

-2-

When does observation become judgement? I'm struggling with this right now. Many occasions go by that I will be in conversation with my husband or a close friend and something I say will sound judgemental. Maybe it is. Or maybe I am just observing. I feel like I take people as they are and don't hold these "observations" against people, but I do use them to rationalize or explain behaviors. For example, I might say When does it become sinful? Can I really strive to completely observe without judgement or is the key to stop looking so much?

-3-

For the first time in years, I think we may get a refund on our tax return. Of course, we did without 30% or more of our income this year (I only worked 1/2 the year and I earned more to begin with), but it is still exciting to get a little back for once. Now...what to do with it? Save? Invest? Home improvements? Book a cruise? ;) ;)

-4-

It seems to be physically impossible for me to change the scale. And all of this deep thought about sin makes me wonder if I am being vain. What's the difference if I lose 5lbs if I'm still at a completely healthy weight right now? I always say that I really only want to feel better in my clothes and eventually in a swimsuit. When I put it out there like that, it really does sound a little vain. I really don't want to FEEL better in my clothes. I want to feel like I LOOK better in my clothes and that is very different. I need to change this. I am going to continue at the gym and eating healthy (THIS IS THE KEY), but I'm not touching that scale for a good while. This is huge considering I have stepped on that scale every day of the last...wow...probably 10 years of my life, possibly more. I'm exercising very regularly: Monday is Spin, Tuesday is Pilates, Wednesday is Spin, Thursday is Spin and BodyPump, Friday Power Yoga, and sometimes a 2nd Bodypump in there on a Tuesday or Saturday. So needless to say, I'm in good shape. I mean, I'm not an olympian, but I'm very healthy and strong right now. (Note, I realize now the real need to stop the observation of others...it's harmful here as well). Isn't health that all that matters?

-5-

Once again, this meditation on sin has me thinking deeply. Contrary to what I have always believed, pride is not necessarily a good thing. Synonyms include: arrogant, haughty, lordly, insolent, overbearing, supercilious, disdainful. What a sneaky, sneaky evil-doer pride can be. What teenager isn't encouraged to be proud of themselves. Admittedly, there are many children with self-esteem issues, but the answer doesn't seem to be pride. I have a feeling there is going to be a lot more discussion of pride in the coming weeks. Not to mention abortion, which oddly is what led me to the meditation on pride as sin.

-6-

My husband needs to write a blog. His work stories are so crazy that he needs to share them. Sadly, he's a social worker in a program for at-risk kids and most of the stories have to do with the poor dedication of staff. I may need to try to take notes and write them up myself. Today his boss sent text messages to everyone letting them know about the 2 hour snow delay. My husband does not have a cell phone. She knows this! Thankfully one of the other employees gave him a call, but it really seems a bit presumptuous to me to even send a text. Does everyone with a cell phone have a plan big enough to accommodate unlimited text messages? And while we are on this subject, how ridiculous is this?

-7-

Why is my house ALWAYS dusty? I dust every week, but it is always dusty. In fact, I just dusted yesterday, yet I just blew a bunch of dust off of my keyboard. Where does it come from?

The first Catholic President.

2011-01-20T04:36:00.000-08:00

On January 20, 1961, John F. Kennedy, Jr. gave his inagural address. I encourage you to listen to it.

Any man brave enough to cast aside the shallow promises of a politician and say something as challenging as this: "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country." is a great man indeed.

Maybe he did need to assure the masses that he would act first as president and second as a Catholic, but honestly, how does one separate the two? The respect for human life and commitment to the improvement of our nation's moral standards are most definitely a product of his God-given faith.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-01-19T18:55:00.001-08:00

7 Quick Takes Friday - 20110114

2011-01-14T09:17:00.000-08:00

Join Jen and others for Quick Takes every Friday!

-1-

I returned to my favorite Power Yoga class after a 4 week unintentional hiatus. Classes were canceled for Christmas, then New Year's and last week my daughter had a 2 hour delay for snow, so while the class took place, I wasn't able to make it. I feel amazing. The tightness in my hamstrings and back from lifting weights, biking, and shoveling are loosened and I'm feeling so much more at peace.

I tried doing yoga with Jillian Michaels on-demand this past week, but she's got nothing on my real-life yoga teacher, who knows how to push us verbally but also remind us to listen to our bodies. What a beautiful, spiritual experience yoga is for me!

-2-

I am still enjoying these photos my children take. Here's one of me with my beloved pup. She is living on love! Forgive my all-too-common appearance of being disheveled. I am what I am.

-3-

I am a two-spacer. If you don't like it, it's your problem.

-4-

I have been de-cluttering my house and I found a bunch of photos from college and the early years after that I had forgotten I had. The walks down memory lane are amazing! I need to spend some time selecting photos from the last few years for frames. That's my project for today.

-5-

He is a lover and a fighter. Generally, my son is a lover. He hugs, he kisses, he tells us he loves us 20 times a day. He is full of love and it has only gotten more intense that he spends more time with me. It helps that I am SO thankful to be home with him that I shower affection on him. Now it's become his whole personality. He's such a great little lover. But he can also be a fighter. Keep in mind that my daughter, his biggest rival, is the photographer. He's clearly not pleased with her. Yikes!

-6-

My friend Caroline as well as my friend Kathy both finished the Goofy challenge last weekend. This is a half-marathon on Saturday and a full marathon on Sunday. Can you even imagine? I am not stranger to regular, challenging exercise, but this takes special focus and determination. Congratulations to both of these dedicated ladies. You did a great job!

-7-

I am looking for some good books. Got any suggestions? The can be Catholic, novels, non-fiction, or anything. I'm open. Currently I am reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, but I'm only 60 or so pages in. As good of reviews as it received, I'm just not feeling it. I used to be ashamed to say I didn't like something that most people seem to like. But in the last few years, I'm not ashamed to say I'm just not interested! I'll let you know what I think when I get a bit further.

Snowstorm in Photos

2011-01-13T08:13:00.000-08:00

Snow at sunrise

Very well-coordinated hand-me-down snow clothes!

Is it just me, or do you see/feel/sense God in a sky like this? I get chills every time. Photos on my camera do very little justice to the magnificence.

I love sledding!

On Being Recognized as a Catholic

2011-01-12T06:19:00.000-08:00

During these last months out of the workforce and primarily at home with my children (I love how I tiptoe away from the SAHM acronym at every opportunity), I am no longer constrained into the locations of work and home. I am out in the world every day and you can find me at the YMCA, in the library, at the Giant, in the park, at Starbucks for storytime, and other locations I never thought I would be spending my daylight hours. Yes, I am mostly at home, but I have a lot more opportunity to meet and get to know other people these days.

I used to be a little surprised when someone recognized me as a Catholic. What did this make them think of me? Would they still approach me the same as if I was just another mom at the gym or library? Would they consider me a religious zealot or even a hypocrite? Would they be afraid to be themselves around me or would they feel inspired in their own faith? I will admit that it was all of my own prideful past judgements of Catholics that were running through my mind. But I do wear a cross and a blessed medal, I attend mass faithfully and I sing in the choir and cantor instead of hiding in the back pew. I make meals for the church, I stop in at adoration when I can and I also teach religious education. So let's face it, I am much more of an actively practicing Catholic than most people are these days. (And I say this without pride here, it is just the reality that I have lots of opportunities to be recognized for my faith).

So yesterday I was recognized during a trip to the YMCA for BodyPump. This was afterward, while I was sweaty and had just grunted and groaned and "Woo-Hoo-ed" during the last 45 minutes! I was so pleased to meet this woman, though. Now that she mentioned it, I do see her regularly. She attends a mass I used to go to more often and she sits in the front row with her husband, who plays the tambourine sometimes. Did she notice that I knelt and prayed after class?

More recently I feel so excited and blessed to find and meet other Catholics, especially other moms. I am honored to be recognized. And even thought there is a bit of pressure once I am "outed" as a fairly devout Catholic, I am now looking at that as an opportunity to evangelize our faith. I can teach our faith to our children and still smoke that spin class. I can sing hymns on Sunday and still rush through the grocery store on Monday morning. I can enjoy story time at Starbucks and read from my daily devotions book at the same time! I am all of these things in private, so why not be all of these things in public.

I feel very blessed to be alive during a time when I can practice my faith safely. Sure, there may be a lot of criticism of Catholics and there is sometimes discrimination against Catholics because of some of the stereotypes. But I can still practice my faith safely and openly and because I can do this, I SHOULD do this. How else can I help demonstrate the love and beauty of our faith unless I am open about how happy I am to be a Catholic?

If you see me holding my rosary while my child plays at the park. Feel free to join me in prayer. But don't be surprised if afterward I chat you up about where you get your highlights or your experience with teachers in our school district. I'm concerned with these things as well. But I am also concerned with my happiness and eternal salvation.

The photo here was discovered on my kids' digital camera, where I found dozens of priceless insights into my kids' lives. I may be including some of them from time to time

Snowy Expectations

2011-01-11T04:20:00.000-08:00

We are expecting snow tonight. In light of that, I'll share my favorite photos from this season of Snow so far.

Jackson wanted to play in the snow, but he didn't last long without Sissy to hang out with him. Apparently when Sissy is around, it never feels quite as cold. I can appreciate his opinion on that.

I love how you can see my reflection in his hat and his nose pressed up to the door.

Starting the week with religion class

2011-01-10T04:33:00.000-08:00

The beginning of my week is often busy. I get back to the gym after a weekend of relaxation. I do my grocery shopping on Mondays right after spin class. And my mind, by this point in the week, is focused on Tuesday afternoon religious ed class.

I take time in planning my lessons. Sometimes I think I take too much time, but I am a thorough person, if nothing else, and I like to be sure that I have researched my possibilities completely for crafts or activities, supporting stories, and background information for myself. Even if I never get to actually teach some of what I read and learn, I'm a better teacher for having done the research.

Last week's lesson about the 10 commandments couldn't have come at a better time in the year, since the buildup of the Christmas season had taken hold of my class recently and all of our basic classroom rules seemes to have gone out the window. I had to put on my "stern teacher" face and get serious.

The biggest lesson I have learned here thus far is nearly everything that I am teaching these children is new. There are a handful of children who have learned some basic prayers and most children have a rough idea of what Christmas and Easter are about, but the vast spaces in between are vacant canvases. Everything I teach is new and I never get over the shock of that! I'm not sure why this is, consdering that I am also a parent of one of these children and honestly, the 10 Commandments has never come up during dinner conversation in our house either.

I know now to never assume that other Catholic parents are doing a better job of educating their Catholic children in the home. I know now that this is exactly what I am being called to do.

So this week I will conclude a lesson that has built up over many months. I will teach about the Holy Spirit and complete the trinity. After months of glazing over this topic, we will put words to the breeze that blows through our hearts every day, leading us all to follow Jesus on earth so that we may live with our Father in heaven for all eternity. This is a powerful lesson for me and may be a powerful one for my students as well. The Holy Spirit has touched my life in so many ways and continues to do so. I am certain of that now.

How has the Holy Spirit touched your lives?

This developmental milestone nEvEr gets old to me!

2011-01-08T05:54:00.000-08:00

We have a dry erase board in our foyer. Sometimes we do weather on it, or plans for tomorrow, or just a message to someone for a special day. This is what I found this week.

I laugh every time I see this. Oh, the hapiness that you know was poured into that E.

The author is the shirking four-year-old on the left. Yes, he was asking how to spell, but I wasn't sure why.

7 Quick Takes Friday - 20110107

2011-01-07T05:49:00.000-08:00

Join Jen and others at ConversionDiary.com for 7 Quick Takes every Friday!

-1-

We got less than two inches of snow and school is delayed 2 hours. So I will miss yoga for the 3rd week in a row (the last two misses were for holidays). It looks like I will be dragging out my mat at home. After my week of spinning and lifting, I really need the peace of a good yoga workout.

-2-

On Sunday I was driving with my daughter and I mentioned how I am now a very slow driver. If the speed limit is 45, I'm going 40. If it is 25, I'm right there. I'm just in less of a hurry. This is remarkable because for a while I felt like I was a crazy driver trying to get everything done in as little time as I could. It's a good feeling to be less panicked all the time!

-3-

My kids wanted to stay up until midnight on New Year's Eve. We obliged. Bailey is 7 and Jack is 4. Jackson told us to clink our glasses at midnight and was thrilled to play with his batman house, and dance around in his jingle socks and footie pajamas! Who do you think had more fun?

-4-

You can see in the photo of my boy that my laundry is drying in the background. About two months ago, I got a bug up my but about the electric bill and decided to try hanging my laundry to dry. After a few tips from a friend regarding hanging sheets in my foyer, I am down to drying one load in my dryer per week (towels, which we all use at least 2 baths each). In November, I saved $36 on my bill and in December, I saved $56 on my bill! I have come to actually enjoy the hanging of the clothes. I think I may try an outdoor clothesline in the summer, although there are a lot of allergens in the air, so I don't know if it will bother any of us to have fresh-air dried clothes. For now, I have two drying racks and I do one load per day (or two, if the other is sheets, which I hang in the foyer or towels, which I dry in the electric dryer). Here is my sheet-day:

-5-

I am reading an excellent book right now: Rediscovering Catholicism by Michael Kelly

I usually don't give book reviews, but I will recommend this book to anyone interested in renewing their faith! I am trying to find a sneaky way to get my husband, a non-Catholic with a very strong moral fiber yet no practical faith in God, to read it. Generally, because of some of our past disagreements about my faith practice, he is not interested in discussing religion.

-6-

I went to confession before Christmas and had a different experience from what I normally have. The priest was very chatty and full of comments/advice. Although my confession was rather brief (IMO, it's hard to compare!), I was in there a good while, maybe 7-8 minutes. It leads me to wonder:

Do you have a regular confessor?

Is it your regular parish priest or someone else?

Do you converse with the priest other than the "script" of confession?

I really have never had a priest talk to me during confession with such ease and I wasn't sure how to react. Should I engage in conversation or just listen? I chose the latter. Humorously, the whole thing threw me off that it made me totally blank on the Act of Contrition (I wasn't in the normal confessional where it is on the wall), so the priest told me to just say " Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner." I must have said it 1,000 times since then. Along with "Come, Holy Spirit", it may be one of my most frequently whispered prayers.

-7-

This was my first Quick Takes in about 6 months and it was fun to get back to the simple format. I can't guarantee I'll do it every week, but I will read and when I have 7 random things to discuss, surely I will join in!

Christmas 2010 ~ What a JOY!

2011-01-06T02:00:00.000-08:00

I finally peeked at our Christmas pictures. The kids had a few rough moments before bed, so I knew that the annual photo with Santa's cookies wasn't going to be great because the kids had just been scolded. Although I did find a few cute ones with our border collie, Cole, who is very ill and just two days later we were checking hourly to see if she was still alive. It's a blessing she is still with us this year. Every day with her, at least the good days, are a real gift. Here is one:

But the picture that takes the cake is this one below. THIS is Christmas joy if I ever saw it. They just found out that Santa did indeed come, despite their naughty behavior the evening before. Good thing he'd already packed up his sled by that point, you know? But seriously, would you be happier? Ok, so I made them wait for their daddy to get downstairs. But they could at least look excited!

And to prove to you that there actually was a ton of fun on Christmas morning, I leave you with this photo, titled "Really, Mom...do we HAVE to open ALL of these gifts? Can't we just go back to bed?"

Maybe I should send these to my mother-in-law to prove to her that her crazy excessive gift-giving really DOES rob us of the WOW factor on Christmas morning at home.

But honestly, just looking through these photos really cracked me up. I swear that despite the photographic evidence, it was a lot of fun.

Gone Fishing

2011-01-05T04:02:00.000-08:00

My most challenging Religious Education student is also one of the most wonderful children to have in my classroom. He is a hoot and a holler. Yes, I did say hoot and holler. Oh well. This is me. Aging. Yesterday, after making him wait 45 minutes of wriggling and squiriming through the Great Commandment, he got his chance to stand up and tell everyone what was on the tip of his tongue.

"When I think about God, I think of him wearing sunglasses, sitting back in a lawn chair, fishing."

These kids never cease to put a smile on my face.

We saw his star at it's rising and have come to do him homage.

2011-01-02T06:40:00.000-08:00

Today is the Solemnity of the Epiphany. As a child and teenager, I never quite understood what the Epiphany meant except that we couldn't take our tree down until that day. I'm not sure if it is because I had trouble focusing on scripture readings during mass or because I just plain wasn't listening.

Today's Gospel acclamation reminds us that the magi, or the three wise men, saw a star in the sky and followed that star to the very place where Jesus lie in the manger. It took them eight days to travel that distance, which defines the octave of Christmas. Can you imagine what these three men were thinking about and talking about during these eight days? What would they find? Did they ever just say, "This is ridiculous. We are grown men following a star to find a prophesied King. Are we nuts?" The comfort, given to them in the clarily of a dream, was enough. Sometimes it is shocking to me that any human, even those who roamed the earth 2010 years ago (give or take 33) could have such deep faith. How many of us are able to follow the calling in our hearts in this day and age. Most of us have the issue that we are aware of the calling in our hearts and are either too constrained by modern life or too aftraid of losing what modern life has to offer that we never follow that call.

What are the callings of your heart? Not those of the world, not those of the peers around you, but the callings of your heart? Is there a way to follow them here on earth? So many of us are too terrified to step outside the mainstream (myself included) and really follow our dreams.

Today happens to be Sunday that shares the previous day's celebration of Mary, Mother of God (January 1st) in most Catholic churches. I will begin taking down my Christmas decorations, packing up the ornaments, the tree, the trimmings, and returning to ordinary time. A recent task of videotaping our home for insurance purposes revealed to me the insane clutter that we have and over the next month, I plan to rid our house of it, one room at a time.

Holy Mary, Mother of God Pray for us.

Happy New Year! No Regrets and No Resolutions!

2011-01-01T12:41:00.000-08:00

I realized today that I seem to have completely missed Advent with my blog! There are, in fact, lots of things I have missed on my computer recently. For once, I feel no regret about that.

Do you remember when I thought I could blog through my experience transitioning out of my job and into my home? I quickly realized that I couldn't manage two blogs, but it wasn't much after that when I realized I couldn't barely manage a blog at all! Without the chain of a full-time job tying me to a desk, I am much less likely to turn to the internet for something to settle my mind on during the day. I do check email and Facebook and I do my lesson plans, but beyond that I am mostly out in the world and not at my desk. Is this a bad thing? I don't think so.

You see, one of the many lessons I have learned this year is that none of my plans really make much of a difference. I can plan to blog 15 minutes per day. I can plan to lose 5 lbs. I can plan to go back to school. But life has a way of unfolding itself and moving ahead regardless of what we plan. We can only control so much. And my life, prior to leaving my job, was all about how much of it I could control. It is only now I see that if I could have surrendered that control, I would have been able to cope so much better. But I couldn't learn that without radically changing my life. I couldn't learn that it really was OK if I left dishes in the sink overnight until I realized I can do it tomorrow. I didn't realize it was ok to sit down and watch a movie with my family and not be cleaning or organizing or productive until I actually sat down and did it. My plans were holding me back, keeping me wound tight, and putting so many constraints on my life that I was choking myself. I was doing it to myself!

I am slowly peeling the layers away, breaking my own asinine rules, and learning to just live and it is GREAT. Instead of being TWO things: a career woman and a mother/wife (can I combine those?), I am something totally different. I have uncovered the person I used to be, with varied interests, yearnings, thoughts, ideas, wishes, dreams. I am so much more than two things. I do the work of a wife and mother primarily, yes, but I also teach religious ed, I sing in the church choir, I have friends that I enjoy spending time with, I enjoy cooking and baking. I am organizing my home and getting a well-rounded, balanced sense of life. It is almost impossible to describe how much I enjoy that I don't have to be one or two single things. I can do all of it at the same time. These are all lessons I will not forget when it is time for me to return to a full-time job. The woman who returns to the work force will be very different than the one that left.

As for the money, it surely is hard to realize how much earning potential I walked away from. But regret is not a word I would use to describe that feeling. I couldn't put a price on the peace that I have gained in these past months. And it feels so good, so divinely good to start the year 2011 in true peace. I can catch up on some photos and blogs in the new year. I have no anxiety or feelings of needing to make rules and resolutions so that it doesn't happen again. I just have peace.

Thanksgiving - Before and After

2010-11-25T13:07:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving

Bless us, O Lord and these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty,

through Christ the Lord.

Amen.

Having a moment

2010-11-16T06:08:00.000-08:00

I know mothers in all walks of life deal with many challenges. Surely I am aware of those that the full-time working mothers deal with, as most of my motherly experience has been in that capacity. Sneaking in loads of laundry and meal prep between the ringing cell phone and commute times was always a challenge, but I was up to it. Although my own personal sanity suffered the most, I really managed the working mother lifestyle quite well. Most of the time the toilets were clean, laundry was done, and children were fed. The one thing that did suffer is my marriage and like I said, my sanity. I'm not sure which one of those ailments came first or if they are conspiring twins.

(Photo at left from Bailey's pre-slumber party bowling adventure).

Now that I am at home with my children and not monetarily employed, I have other challenges. This very morning I seem to be biting back tearful frustration that things are not going as I wish them to go. I am praying with every step (although I should probably stop everything and really pray on my insecurities and thoughts instead of this in-between-tasks prayer I have come to rely on). We have had a lot of busy days in a row and not a lot of down time. My husband is taking a class that is demanding a lot of his time. My own tendency to get in over my head has left me a little overdrawn in the time and creativity department between music ministry and teaching CCD. And my own selfishness and vanity have me going to the gym more often than I probably need to, surely because I am seeking to literally run/bike/breathe my way to some sense of peace.

I don't know how to work through these challenges since they are all new. Is my husband my boss now that I am at home full time? Are my choice of activities only worthwhile if they bring income into the home? Do I deserve to have as much "time off" now since I am not working as I did when I worked full-time? How much help should I expect from my husband around the house?

Today is difficult because my feelings are very general and not at all pointed to one thing. I just feel like maybe this (full-time at-home-mom) isn't going to work out for me. I have a list of reasons why I feel that way and none of them are specific. But today I just feel sad, uncertain, and really open to considering what the future might really hold.

Lucky Number Seven

2010-11-11T00:00:00.000-08:00

Can I tell you how lucky this kid is?

She is the only person I have ever known to actually win a toy out of the crane machine. TWICE!

If there is a wishbone around, she will get the wish every time.

We have housed and flushed more church-fair goldfish than I can even recall, often running out of hands to carry them home.

She won a mountain bike last month playing a $5 ring toss at a fair. I always thought they paid people to walk around with the bikes or huge stuffed animals just to taunt people into playing the games. Nope, some people, even kids, really do win! You should know that my mother and I were muttering about the wasting of money on such a "racket" when we wer fed our slice of humble pie.

The day before her birthday, she just "happened" to spot a bald eagle while out at recess. The whole class got to see it, too! She wrote a story about how it was the best present ever. (Should I return the pillow pet? wink, wink).

She is just a lucky kid. And now she is lucky number 7.

I keep telling her that 7 is a big year. The age of 7 is considered of the age of reason and now I can see why. A real maturity does seem to take over right around this age. Children seem to turn a bit introspective from time to time. Their personalities are forged. They are on their way to becoming the adults they were made to become.

But the truth of it all is that I, in so many countless ways, am the lucky one to have Bailey. Bailey is full of grace, full of spirit, full of faith and hope and wonder. And I mean all of those things in a spiritual sense, but also in the sense of just who she is as a person. The words of my priest often echo in my head when he told me that the Holy Spirit is working through her to get to me.

I'm the luckiest mother in the world.

Wordless Wednesday, from seven years ago on a Monday

2010-11-10T06:04:00.000-08:00

Grandparents

2010-11-08T17:40:00.000-08:00

I could write for hours about my recent visit with my grandparents.

I just may.

But for now I will share with you a photo that captures my grandmother's sweetness. She looks like a schoolgirl! I wish I had a photo of the night before, when the kids snuggled on my Pop Pop's lap watching "How it's made". It would even be better if I could remember forever how he patiently explained everything to Jackson in little-kid terms.

I had so much time to really talk to my grandfather, who is a smart and experienced man and I have always enjoyed his limitless love and generosity. My granmother is much more complex, but she has been wonderful to me. I remember a million wonderful things she's done over the years: from putting money in the bank for me that she easily shared when I wanted to travel to Paris to sending me back to college with bags of groceries.

Over the past day since they have gone home I wonder sometimes how large her impact has been on my life. Her generosity, her devotion to her faith, her ability to raise children with both a firm hand yet a very gentle and loving touch. She is chatty and open and sensitive and a little bit of a loner at the same time. She lost her husband when her sons were 12, 8, and 1 in a freak mining accident. She survived that complete sense of loss.

We have a lot in common. I have a lot more to say to her before...well, I just have a lot more to say. So I think I will start writing her some letters. She's always been a great letter-writer. So I shall learn to put pen to paper in her honor. She deserves to hear that I remember her teaching me to do housework "a little every day" and I remember the first time she served me broccoli in cheese sauce and I remember that she uses a teacup with a saucer and that she gave up chewing gum for Lent about 25 years ago (and never picked it back up), but before that, every birthday card included two sticks and the line "Have a chew on me!". I remember my Pop Pop telling me about Donald Trump when I was no more than 12 or 13 years old and that he was always willing to finish my ice cream cone after I lost interest. I remember it was they who had driven be back to college that day when I remember so clearly my now-husband standing on the porch with a case of 40s. (Yes, they do sell them by the case). I remember so much and I am so lucky to have them and to have had them in my life.

Yes, I think she deserves to know these things.

Happy Halloween! Are you having an affair?

2010-11-07T19:22:00.000-08:00

Can you see the grim reaper lurking?

I wore a halo and angel wings for Trick-or-Treating.

We had a lot of fun and got tons of candy.

Forgive my sarcasm, but the best part was when my husband basically asked me if I was having an affair. (Sadly, my parents planted this seed with their curiosity as to why I have become so active in my local parish and seem to really embrace my faith. Apparently the only people who do that are those who are seeking forgiveness for something.)

You know, I never really know what is going on in that man's head, but clearly I need to try harder. I'm not sure I like having wonderfully fun family holidays spoiled by such things.

Looks like my prayers need more focus.

On a lighter note, Jackson loved being "Dark [sic] Vader" and Bailey was a lovely Cinderella. The costume was a repeat to her, but she didn't mind a bit!

This Little Light of Mine

2010-10-30T18:43:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna let it shine!

Hide it under a bushel? No!

I'm gonna let it shine!

Don't let Satan blow it out!

I'm gonna let it shine!

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

2010-10-29T15:18:00.000-07:00

Our first tee-ball season ended as a great success!

You gotta love the littlest player on the team, especially when he's your son.

The Buzz and Woody sneakers just make this photo so silly. He is very serious about watching the game!

Look at the people passing by. I love silently listening to the comments about how small he is.

Swing, batter, batter, batter, Swing!

If we don't tuck it in, look how long the shirt is on him.

Apple Orchard Fun

2010-10-28T09:08:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, Jackson and I joined a little pre-school group for a field tip to an orchard. We had a great time. I wasn't going to go until Jackson overheard me talking about the hayride. Later he came to me and sweetly and enthusiastically said "You know mom, I think on a hayride you can sit right in the hay!" After that comment I knew I had to take him. The kid was so excited.

Note his little folded hands. He sat like this most of the time. If only I could get him to sit so nice at church!

Jack and me.

These goats were so neat. They have these structures built that are 2 stories high and the goats climb right up on them. They must have a great sense of balance.

Apple picking!

Twist, twist, pull!

My daily joy. I love you, Jack, and we did get to sit RIGHT DOWN in the hay!

Truce

2010-10-27T08:58:00.000-07:00

While no actual conversation took place to mend our fences, my husband and I are at least civilly speaking. Thank you so much, all of you, for your prayers. I truly appreciate them.

"Preach the gospel always, If necessary use words." ~ St. Francis of Assisi

I simply broke the ice by asking if he wanted salad or sandwiches packed for lunch. What says "I love you" more than packing your spouse's lunch (I did this the previous days as well, but I packed what I wanted without asking).

Yesterday my Jack and I met Baiely's class at a field trip. I think the fall colors are at about their peak.

Bailey with her class on the hayride.

The sign above the bin of pumpkins said "Jack Be Little".

Coming home to "Autumn Hill".

How do you fight?

2010-10-25T19:30:00.000-07:00

I'm here again, twice in one day, because I am alone. My children are in bed and my house is silent except the dim hum of the dishwasher. My husband came in, did not join us for dinner, and has not spoken a word to me.

This, my friends, could continue for days. While I generally go insane in the process of counting the days, I would say that it would be no stretch for this to go on for 7-10 days. The silent treatment may allow for a few yes/no questions just to allow us to go about our days, but nothing more.

Sadly, I really do not know what I have done. Even sadder, after 12 years of marriage, I'm finding myself equally as good at the silent treatment. I know I am by no means perfect, but I really do try to fight fair. On the other hand, when the fight starts out unfair, I will not engage. And this one did.

It's a hateful feeling to carry around, this feeling of not knowing what horrible things your deepest companion is feeling for you. I wish he'd just tell me so that we could work it out. I wish he would have told me when it was beginning to bother him instead of the shrugging and "nothing" response when I ask what is wrong or getting himself to a point where he overreacts to forgetting my schedule (I've talked about this week as our Parish Mission w/ mass every night from Sun-Thurs for 8 weeks) and says that I spent 15-20 hours in church every week. But really I think he's mad because he didn't have fun at a dinner invite we went to. But why is he taking it out on me? I didn't have the time of my life either. But he also didn't say "Hey, let's head home to see the last few innings of the Phillies." I mean, who wouldn't respect that? (Honestly, I'd had a few glasses of wine and I don't own a watch, so I did completely lose track of time and could have used a reminder).

You know, I have no idea, honestly, what he is mad at. And I only dis-engaged from the blowup because I have seen so many times that he is so hot-headed he blows things out of proportion, making it difficult to be civil. Is he mad that I was going to church or mad because he wanted me to do something with him or was he mad becasue he has other mental plans and would have to watch the kids instead? I'm not sure. All I know is he never told me his plans or that he'd rather I didn't go. He just blew up.

So I retreated a bit, went to bed early, and now it has become the mutual silet treatment.

So give me some advice. How do you fight? How do I break the silent treatment?

PS - He has also completely ignored the children.

Oh, distant friend, my blog.

2010-10-25T09:51:00.000-07:00

It seems I have nearly abandoned this blog these days. Not only that, I feel so removed from so many of the blogs I followed daily. I wish I had a good reason, but I do not. I have tons of thoughts to share.

One obstacle to blogging is that I entertain my 4 year old that does not nap and after email, bill paying, research for catechism class, he has very little patience left. And my husband already thinks I do too much in the evenings away from him (which really means I am supposed to sit on the couch and pretend to watch tv with him), so I have very little time on the computer.

Whatever happened to my 15 minutes every day? Goodness, I really just need to DO that, don't I?

I have a list of things to write about: parish mission, marital stress and social incompatibilities, thoughts on continuing education, winterproofing, wishing for more simplicity, making real-life friends, adult acne, tee-ball, my children's latest tricks and thoughts and looks, and even my own need for some beautification.

I'm just in a rut. I see a few of the blogs I follow citing the same thing. I need to get out of the rut! My thoughts and intentions are so disjointed these days. I just don't know which end is up!

But to those of you who are reading, I want you to know I peek in on you all from time to time.

A Trampoline Story

2010-09-24T19:37:00.000-07:00

Once there were two very good children that loved thier trampoline so much that they took off their pesky socks and decided to feign a nap until their old hag of a mother would climb in to awaken them.

Then the older of the two popped up, full of static and sunshine, rendering the mother fooled once again.

And God's gift of the afternoon sun perfectly warmed our sun-bleached heads one more time.

And there was peace on earth, amongst the willows.

That is, until the socks became fireballs and the boy became a Peanut Butter Cup Man from Hersheypark.

(Where do they come up with these things?)

And their mother marveled at the sweetness of their dirty toes with chipped polish.

At least Jackson's polish was blue.

With each of their rides parked nearby, the electric children resume activity, supercharged by sun and static electricity.

And the sweet shadow makes the mother smile, thinking of Peter Pan, wishing she could steal it and keep it small forever. What mother could resist a good afternoon jump with these smiling faces?

Although this little shadow could be harder to catch.

So we jumped. And bounced. And giggled. And jumped some more.

And then rest time called again, cradling bodies holding hearts beating wtih joy and activity.

And so the children and the mother rested.

The End.

Quotes from CCD class

2010-09-24T19:01:00.000-07:00

I am teaching Religious Education to First Graders. Some of the stuff that comes out of these kids' mouths is amazing, wise, funny, thoughtful, and just plain share-worthy.

"So God made everything, but who made God?"

"The Holy Spirit is like a ghost!"

And then when I describe how some people actually can feel or have felt the Holy Spirit, more than 10 little hands went high into the air. Each story was beautiful and pure. There was no self-consciousness. If anything, those without hands in the air seemed curious. It was amazing. God is SO good.

Religious Education

2010-09-12T14:37:00.000-07:00

I should be able to get back to my regularly scheduled blogging sometime soon, but it seems I keep taking on a new challenge. Maybe I am helping the neighbor with some childcare, subbing for cantors at church, volunteering to make pamphlets, studying for the Praxis 1, or teaching religious education.

Yes, that's right. I'm teaching Parish Religious Education Program (PREP), once known to me as CCD to the first graders this year. We had one meeting thus far and it was mostly business and introductions. This will be our first full class. My own daughter is in the class, but there are also another 16 children in my charge. It is a tiny bit intimidating, but I am also really excited to do it. Just this morning at mass I ran into three of the children and their little faces were enough to make me know I made the right choice.

I am very new at this and I am just now taking the Basic course. Do any of you seasoned mothers who are also Catholic have any resources online to share? I have a lot available through my parish, but I would love any information from tried-and-true sources.

First Grade and I loved today.

2010-08-30T18:45:00.000-07:00

Thoughts on today:

- What a great, exceptional, absolutely excellent day: Got Bailey on the bus, went to the gym, got a huge grocery order, calmly and neatly packed away all purchases, had "school" with Jackson, played cars with Jack, went to the library, baked chocolate chip cookies, got Bailey off the bus, joyfully listened to her accounts, cooked and served tacos, packed lunches, transported to piano lessons, filled out paperwork, cleaned up tacos, got kids ready for bed, read books, did laundry.

- I'm not sure I've ever had a better day. Sure, it wasn't vacation. There wasn't a beach or a cityscape in sight. But it was a day I want to live over and over again. But God is great and I can do this over and over again!

- Jack was drunk on Mom today. Everything that came out of his mouth was just crazy, silly, and wise. I like his company a lot.

- I need to stop putting "school" in quotes with regard to Jackson. It is really school, even if I am teaching it.

- I love the way my husband snores. It makes me sleepy.

- Bailey apparently had such a good day that she ran into my arms and announced to us at dinner that First Grade is WAY better than Kindergarten. I asked her at one point if anyone got upset or cried and she said "Yes, I know one person who cried. Me. When I realized I had lost my earring." Daddy brilliantly found the earring in her sheets.

- My whole body is good-sore. GroupPower is a great workout. But soon it will change to BodyPump. Hey, I'll try that, too.

- I could to today over every day. Did I already say that? I just really loved today.

- Tomorrow we will do gym, swim, chores, school (without quotes) and hopefully it will be just as great of a day.

- I think the real key is I began the day with prayer. Not only did I pray alone in the morning, but I prayed with the children before breakfast and over Bailey for a good day. I prayed so much today, much more than normal. I prayed for so many things (my daughter to feel calm and confident, my son to behave, that my grocery order would be under $200), but the most important is that I prayed for my choir mate, Helen, who just suffered a pulmonary embolism. If God can give me such a truly wonderful day here at home, then he can work many good miracles. I ask that he looks after Helen.

Almost a month has passed.

2010-08-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

Well, readers, that is if any of you are left, I am still here and still alive!

I took an unplanned, but likely needed hiatus from blogging for a bit. While I wanted so much to give 15 minutes per day to writing so that I could really keep my creativity flowing, what I really needed is a break. You know how God tells you to go exactly to the place you don't want to go sometimes? Well, the last thing I wanted was to take a break from blogging. But it turns out I needed it!

I'm sure I will slowly unfold the month's events in time. But for now I will share with you what I am doing now and looking to in the near future.

Next week school begins. Starting Monday, my daughter will be a first-grader and I will be home-schooling my pre-schooler (not to be confused with mothers who truly home-school, I am saying that tongue-in-cheek, although we will be working on foundations for an hour a day or so).

Also gearing up are church activities. Choir begins on a regular schedule and I will be embarking on a new adventure: religious education. I have volunteered to teach the 1st grade class that my daughter is a part of. Thanks to some good materials, I feel somewhat prepared, although I will surely will feel out of my league for a bit until I get my feet wet. If you can spare a prayer, please pray that I can embrace this opportunity for sharing the true beauty of the Catholic faith with these children and share the Good News with a joyful and happy heart.

All of that means that summer is coming to an end. I have enjoyed these days, swimming, making library trips, picking flowers, pushing swings, and eating water ice. So many wonderful memories were made this summer and I am so grateful for the time I had to spend with my children. I hope they forgive me for the few instances where I acted like a child with my impatience and quick temper and can learn from me and remember more that I told them every day how happy they make me and that their beauty and personalities light up my whole world.

I honestly, do not miss working one bit. After so many years of having a career, you'd think I would miss the office just a tiny bit, but I do not! Ha! But I will not lie. The transition to a life at home is not that easy. I have had bumps in the road: getting the children to behave, finding a routine, looking for peace in today's situation without allowing complacency to seep in. My expectations were one thing. The reality is much different. And it is difficult to verbalize the difference. My days don't look that different from what I had planned to an outsider, I'm sure. But the pulse of the day is different than I expected it to be.

I will spent the next few months also preparing myself for application to a teacher certification program. I nearly applied to a Master's program last week, which would have begun next week, but I felt it was too hasty of a decision. Although I think it did spark my interest in career aspirations again. I may also look for a part-time job. It doesn't need to be anything huge, but just a little something to keep me out in the world and earning just a bit of money to finance my career changing years a bit!

I have missed you all and I am happy to say that my doggie is still with us. :)

Dogs and Paint

2010-07-26T06:38:00.000-07:00

Pretty Cole after a grooming last Spring.

That title sounds like it is going to lead to some silly, messy, puppy tale. But the truth is far from that.

On a whim, my husband mentioned his desire for new living room couches instead of an extended vacation this summer. We spent about a week shopping and probably a solid day of negotiating on price and we are now up to our eyeballs in paint, more wads of blue tape, two extension ladders for our silly vaulted ceiling, and yes, brand spankin' new furniture. My husband picks up the last of it today (hopefully, two pieces of the entertainment unit were damaged in the first trip).

Between furniture pick-ups, we took our dog to the vet. She has gradually become more and more picky about her eating. She normally ate her 3/4 cup of dry food morning and night with no problems. Then one day she started leaving some in the bowl. So I thought I'd give her a little gravy with it. That went on for a week or two. Then she started to reject that, so we thought the food was stale or that her teeth may be bothering her.

Four months have gone by now and we've been through so many dog food options that it isn't funny. She will now eat about 1/4 can of wet dog food at a time. After my son's well-visit weigh-in, we were all fooling around at our home scale and we decided to way our (clearly skinnier) dog. She was 29lbs. We realized that was 10lbs lost and it was time to see the vet about having her teeth cleaned, which was going to average us about $300, so it was a big thought.

We just couldn't figure out why she wouldn't eat. She would still eat dry treats, so I it didn't make sense she was having tooth problems. I joked that since this was the first dog I ever loved so completely and vice-versa, that this would be the one who was going to die tragically from cancer.

The initial exam revealed a mass in her belly, nearly the size of a baseball. So we did an x-ray to look to see what it could be, if it was operable, and if maybe it was just a kidney that had dropped down a bit. The radiograph showed one large mass at at least a half-dozen other smaller masses. In November last year, she was 39lbs with no sign of illness at all. We were assured that the rapidity of the growths would not have made an earlier diagnosis any more helpful. We were sent home with pain meds, instructions to let her eat anything she would consume (wet food, baby food, peanut butter sandwiches, even hot dogs), and an estimate of a month before she began vomiting or unable to keep food down.

So right now I am trying to savor my days with my sweet doggie and get our family room back together again. I do have things on my mind I wish to share with you all, but I just have so much going on!

7 Quick Takes Friday - 20100716

2010-07-16T05:09:00.000-07:00

Join Jen and many others for Quick Takes!

-1-

Today is my one month anniversary of being at home with my children and not working. I barely noticed!!! Time sure does fly when you are having fun. And while I feel sometimes like I am not doing much, I have been getting my kids swimming often, keeping the house up very nicely if I must say so, doing yardwork, keeping things watered, cooking dinners, keeping up on laundry and dishes and just doing the work of every other woman (man/person) in this world! And you know what? It's plenty.

-2-

I had a really bad day yesterday and really questioned if I made the right choice. Of course I did, but I had my doubts. My four-year-old mellow-than-ever son shook his FIST in my face because I wouldn't read him a 2nd book at bedtime. His FIST! Let's just say that I didn't react very well to that one. I asked him where he got that idea it was ok (my husband would be long-gone if he ever shook his fist at me) and he said from TV and boxing toys. UGH.

-3-

My daughter's school is requiring 120 "steps" of reading this summer. One "step"= 15 minutes. At first I thougth that was one step per day. Upon closer reading last night (half-way through the summer), she should be reading two steps per day. Is it just me or does 30 minutes of reading for a 6 year old sound a little bit intense. My child does like to read, but requiring her to do it for 30 minutes (I use a timer) every day has become a huge battle. Any thoughts?

-4-

I haven't been to the pool since Monday. My poor tan will fade at this rate! ;)

-5-

I really dislike flip-flops. Sure, I wear them, although I do try to reserve them for pool, yoga, maybe the park or a quick grocery errand and I try to choose a proper shoe or sandal for dining out or anything more formal. Aren't there about 1,000,000 styles to choose from these days? I have a very high arch, however, and I find that other than one pair (with a countour for an arch), they seem to hurt my feet. And my feet end up dry-looking and icky. In little sneakers at least the sweat keeps them from looking scaly. Scaly and dry or sweaty and moist? What a choice!

-6-

I need to get 120 visits to the YMCA before August to get $150 reimbursement from my insurance. I have 117. Tomorrow is Power Yoga. That will be 118. I may just have to go to a class on Saturday and Sunday because I am so close I can taste it!! And all but maybe 2 of those visits are legit (a real workout took place). Sometimes I forgot to call in as well, so, I bet I am at 120 already. It's very exciting. I'm expecting baloons and confetti to fall from the ceiling upon hitting the goal!!

-7-

I think the answer to my current dilemma of feeling totally un-focused is that I need more prayer time. I used to pray the rosary daily. I might get it in once a week now. I spent stretches praying Lauds or Vespers whenever I could. I haven't listened/prayed that in weeks. I have my daily chats with god, but I need more praise, more adoration, more thanksgiving, more contrition for my mistakes. My pal, Starrball (she's great - a young mother with a passion for photography), recommended a booklet called The Miracle Hour. I am going to focus on working through it again. Even if I cannot get all 60 minutes, I can benefit from some of the prayers, the focus, the prioritization.

Even in these moments where I feel like I desperately need more for me (more time to write, more exercise, more understanding from my husband, more time to email my friends, etc), what I really need is to give more time to God and the rest will fall in place. I know it is true, but seriously, wouldn't you have your doubts? How can an hour of daily prayer really open up enough time for me to get to my favorite yoga class this morning? We will just have to see.

An Award! For lil' ol' me!

2010-07-15T06:05:00.000-07:00

I dropped into my own blog last night around 11:15 PM to mostly whine. I was feeling like a failure. The explanation surely can come from the fact that our schedules had been so screwed up that I had spent an entire (rainy) day finishing the painting in the hall bathroom and a second (rainy) day shopping for accessories for said bathroom.

I love painting. But I really was at the point where I needed the house to be put back together (blue tape wads gathered and floors wiped clean of paint drips and no tools lying around). But I still had not had time to finish it all up and by the time I was ready to vacuum, the kids were long in bed.

I hate shopping.

You know, I actually can like shopping, however, I really dislike it when I get to the register and pay $198 and I have no idea what I purchased that could have been worth that much. And a quick scan of the receipt says that I did indeed purchase those things. One thing was a new battery for my daughter's yard-sale power-wheels jeep. The jeep was $50, new tires were $15 each and now the battery will cost us $63. My husband told me to not spend more than $55, but I really just want the darn car to work and thought $8 was worth that convenience.

He disagrees and I am returning it. He also price-checked the radio he requested for the bathroom and I am returning the bathroom rugs.

This is why I dislike shopping.

Also, my four-year old is having a terrible time winding down at night and I need to do the parental thing and watch his tiredness clues more closely. And my 6 year old has crawled into our bed (thus disturbing my sleep) four nights in the last week with nightmares. And I realized last night that she should be reading 2 15-minute "steps" each day of the summer, not the one step I have to beg, borrow, and steal to get her to read. Joy!

We need to get on a schedule. I need a routine. The kids need it too! I need to set boundaries and expectations. We need downtime for reading, for writing, for quiet housework. Yes, even in summer.

That is what I came here to whine about. I am just disappointed, as I thought I'd be better at all of this scheduling and routine! But what I did find last night was an Award!

Rebecca, at Feel My Love has shared with me this award:

The stipulations of the award are these:

1. Thank the blogger who bestowed the reward unto you.

2. List 7 things people may not know about you.

3. Pass the love onto 15 (or 7) other deserving bloggers.

Gratuities:

First things, first: Thank you, Rebecca! I enjoy reading your blog so much that this is a much appreciated gesture to share this award with me.

Seven things:

1. I have not been on an airplane since September14th, 2001. We were one of the first flights off the ground post 9-11, but it was so soon after the tragedy, things still had not changed much. I am uneasy about flying now with all of the new regulations (and my children).

2. I played the tuba through high school in the marching and concert band. I picked it up because I thought it was pretty funny to be so small and play the largest instrument. It gave me a real appreciation of music and harmony/bass.

3. I used to very seriously weight-train. I considered competing in a fitness competition (aka ameteur bodybuilding). Now I look back and am happy I gained all that muscle, but am glad I never did fully go ahead and compete. I think I got caught up in all of the "muscle" at the time. Meat-head!

4. My grandfather died when my father was 8, in 1960, long before I had the chance to meet him. He died in a coal mine explosion. His death, and my life growing up in the coal region of PA were inspiration for a lot of my college-level writing and the title/concept stuck when I started my blog. I am the rough diamond.

5. I love to drink wine. In 2008 I bought my first bottle, thinking I should learn a little something about it and I have sampled a wide variety (based on my limited PA Blue-Book availablility) since then. Most have been under $10. My current favorite for everyday drinking is Yellowtail Chardonnay and Double Dog Dare Cabernet Sauvignon. Both are under $6, despite what the links to the snooth website say.

6. I saw the movie Titanic about 10 times in the theatre. I would probably say that even though it isn't really artsy or meaningful, it's probably my very favorite movie ever. Oh, and my son's name is Jack. ;)

7. I am not a morning person. Not at all. Once I am up and awake, I'm ok, but oh, I hate saying goodbye to sleep!

Bestowments for other favorite bloggers:

My apolgies to anyone who does not want to be nominated as I don't have a lot of blogger pals, so some of you are my "real" pals!

Amongst Lovely Things

Confessions of a Catholic Mutt

Lamar Living

Magnify the Lord with Me

Leaves with Tree You with Me

Livesay Haiti Weblog

SouthernBecks

7 Quick Takes Friday - 20100709

2010-07-09T04:18:00.000-07:00

-1-

Can I just tell you how much I love being at home? I can tell that once the dog days of summer are over that I might like a little more focus to my days, but for right now, I am truly, 100% enjoying myself. I even am enjoying the bad-ish moments where I push a little hard on a kid and they cry (and then I cry) or when I have to discipline for the same thing over and over again.

Is it sad to say that my children are 6 and 4 and I just said to my husband that I'm learning now how they act just before they get too tired or bored hungry? Just that same night I read on BustedHalo.com about H.A.L.T. Since once of my primary goals of being home is to bring about a solid Catholic upbringing in an increasingly secular world, I think this is a beautiful way to introduce it to kids every day. I already explain that it is hard to behave when they are hungry or tired, so why not also say that this is also when it is harder to remember that God is with us?

-2-

Speaking of BustedHalo.com, I also was inspired that this summer I am going to look for some of Ann Rice's books she wrote after her reconversion to Catholicism. I have read most of her books and let's just say that not all good came of my inspirations from the Vampire ones. That sounds worse than it is (unless you look at those written under the pen name A. N. Roquelaure and then it really is that bad!), but I just loved her non-Catholic books, so I am going to give the newest ones a good go.

-3-

We realeased our butterflies that we grew from larvae earlier this week. I noticed that one was very, uh, still at the bottom and thought it was time to let them out to find food in nature.

That one still one is still very still on the same plant outdoors.

-4-

Speaking of plants, mine are whithering. I am nearly certain that the hibiscus is not normally blooming so early in the year and that the blackberries generally ripen closer to August. This heat is really messing with all of these plants' internal clocks!

-5-

The potato chip tour was great. The best part was eating hot chips from the oven that had been potatoes just 5 minutes before. YUM.

Make Herr's Yours!

-6-

This weekend, we are thinking of taking the kids to their first movie. Can you imagine, they are 6 and 4 and have never been to a movie theater? :) Toy Story 3 will likely be a good one to start with.

-7-

The air conditioning in about half of the gym is not working and it has been in the high 90s for days and days. There are limited classes, but my beloved 90 minute power yoga still stands. I'm off to that shortly, then just trying to stay cool!

Please join Jen for other QuickTakes!

The verdict is...

2010-07-06T20:03:00.000-07:00

I honestly have barely enough time to pen (or type, depending on the generation) the thoughts I have on one blog let alone a second. I think at least for a while I shall stick to one.

Things I am thinking about today:
- purchasing life insurance
- potato chip factory tour tomorrow
- A Specially Friend visiting on Friday (we've both added a child since the last visit)
- church music and what is appropriate
- head covering, genuflecting, and full profession of faith
- 100 degree heat and rapidly whithering grasses, flowers, gardens...
- 401Ks and investments
- calling my old boss back. My new boss is waiting for me up in the budoir...surely snoring, but it sounds much more exciting!

Independence Day

2010-07-04T21:51:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful day. We started with sleeping in (after a late night of travel home from a day trip), homemade egg mcmuffins for breakfast, then Mass. When I returned, my parents called to see if they could visit and spend the night. So a quick housecleaning and grass mowing and we were set for guests. Within minutes of their arrival we were heating the grill, cooking burgers, dogs, steaks, shrimp, baked potatoes, pasta salad, fresh melon and berries, peppers and all the trimmings. It was a feast!

Then we stretched our bellies for ice cream cones before we set off fireworks. I think our neighbors were trying to out-do one another this year. The show lasted nearly an hour, with fireworks from 3 sides and about 5-6 houses in on the action across the nieghborhood. It was incredible. Add to it that my husband set off a bunch of fireworks my father brought along. It was so much fun!

This was indeed a fabulous celebration ouf our nation's freedom.

July 3rd. Kids waiting for fireworks...

July 4th, impromptu backyard fireworks show!

Sparklers

Happy Independence Day to all of you!

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over...

2010-07-03T06:13:00.000-07:00

...he became a butterfly.

7 Quick Takes Friday - 20100702

2010-07-02T12:30:00.000-07:00

-1-

I don't get much computer time these days now that I am a housewife. I use early mornings for essential check-ins (email) and then I move onto chores so we can spend most of our days at the pool or park or doing other non-techno things. Maybe I'm rebelling against the 12+ years that I sat at a computer for 40+ hours a week.

-2-

I know tanning isn't all that healthy, but it sure does feel good. I'm enjoying my tan. Also, it has taken 2 weeks, but I thing I really did slowly adjust to washing my hair every other day. I've been told it could be done, even for a fine-haired, oily-headed girl like me, but I never made it past one try. Since I wasn't heading to the office and essentially was heading to the pool to get wet most days anyway, I thought I would give it a fair shot. I do think my hair feels better. I generally wear it in a ponytail the second day, but I could style it and it would look fine, possibly better. The only exception is that I need to have it washed for church. Jesus deserves my clean hair.

-3-

The yardwork never ends. The more I do, the more weeds I see, the more I water, the less it rains. The weeds in the veggie garden are so bad. I'm too embarassed to even photograph.

-4-

My quick takes are going to be very lame today. I just don't have the energy (mentally) to get out the camera and load photos. By the time my hubby is home and the kids are in bed, I find it hard to want to sit at the computer. When I do, I'm looking up vacations, researching 401K rollover, trying to save money, etc. I just can't find a consistent time to write. It needs to either be morning or night. But I need to get it in there. My first week home, I managed my housework schedule. This week I fit exercise in fairly well. Next week will be writing.

-5-

A dear friend is visiting next Friday. We met on a pregnancy messageboard over 7 years ago and were due with our first babies on the same day and have remained friends ever since. We also had our 2nd child only 2 months apart, so our kids are essentially the same ages. We've met in person a few other times, but she and her family are coming to our house while they are home from her overseas job. I am very excited!

-6-

I had a really bad day on Monday. I was very exhausted and essentially threw a temper tantrum because due to my children's slowness (and my own inability to thoughtfully motivate them), we were late getting to my beloved Power Yoga class and it sadly ruined my whole day. I learned a lot, however, about planning the day ahead of time and how slow children do indeed move and how much time I need to allot for breakfast, for pottying and for transitioning from one activity to the next. I also learned a lot about getting enough sleep and tending my own needs and apologizing for my own bad behavior.

-7-

We will spend Saturday with family, but Sunday and Monday are unplanned days of summer fun for us. I'm sure we will work on projects and do things around the house, but it is good knowing we have not much planned. Maybe I'll find some time to write!

For more quick takes, and many more thoughtful ones than these, head over to ConversionDiary.com!

7 Quick takes Friday - 20100625

2010-06-25T20:16:00.000-07:00

-1-

After reading Elizabeth's quick takes, I realized a few things:

1. I really got fat with my first baby.

2. I really miss praying the rosary every day and must start again!

3. I am very tired (as I contemplated typing my own).

-2-

I did manage to begin a few posts and complete one this week.

Read about my take on the Good Wife's Guide.

Next week's challenge: exercise, write and pray every day.

-3-

Look at this salad. I made the rest of the family frozen pizza, but I knew there wouldn't be enough for all 4 of us, so I cooked a few frozen shrimp and threw together a salad. Who do you think got the better deal? My coworkers would call this dish "Shrimp Shover".

-4-

Tonight I took these photos trying to capture how wonderfully summery the back of our house is starting to feel. The light is bad, but the flash made it look too bright. We filled jars with fireflies.

-5-

Bailey got her first black eye this week. Miss Graceful walked into a cement fountain pole in the wading pool at the YMCA. She looks like she's wearing eye shadow!

-6-

Last night we were without power after a thunderstorm for about 5 1/2 hours. I cooked hot dogs, green beans and mac n cheese on the grill, thanks to the extra burner on the side. Later, I fell asleep with one kid, woke up when the other one cried, then promptly fell asleep with the other one. Of course, then I got up and did about 2 hours of laundry, dishes and ironing when the power came back on!

-7-

I love this warm summery weather, but my flowers are withering in certain areas. I'm making 2 trips per day with water for some of them. I weeded tonight in the garden and I think that we introduced most of the weeds when we used our compost on the garden. For a while we threw the weeds into the compost bins...and now that is on the garden. I got about 1/8 of it weeded tonight. It's slow work to weed around seedlings!

Join Jen and other wonderful bloggers through Quick Takes every Friday.

A few pictures from June

2010-06-21T04:26:00.000-07:00

Today I am posting some photos to catch up a bit on life.

Below is Jackson after his celebration for the end of preschool in the 3s/4s room. It was a rare chilly day and he was miserable!

Here is Bailey on her last day of Kindergarten. I can't believe how much she changed, inside and out.

Jackson asked that I make his birthday cake for his party. Notice the misspelling? Why does that always happen to me when I am making a sign or decorating a cake? Thankfully I was able to wipe clean the fondant and fix it. I think it turned out cute. Jack LOVED it. He was just thrilled!

Here are the Cake Bosses:

Father's Day breakfast: Mountain Dew, Hard-boiled eggs, yogurt, and a blueberry muffin. (He doesn't eat breakfast, so forgive me, I just put something together quickly...except I did bake the muffins!)

That's our story in photos for the last few weeks!

Thoughs on a second blog?

2010-06-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

I have already set up a second blog here: http://reinventingthehousewife.blogspot.com.
There is only one post, but more are in the works. The name came to me as an inspiration during a point in time where I was considering leaving my job to stay at home with my children, with two intentions, both to enjoy my children more, but provide more space and time to think about what I want to do with my life. The career I had was successful, but was certainly not the expression of anything I feel passionate about and I have always felt like it was temporary. I had other plans! I wanted to write when we first got married. I wanted to go back to school and eventually teach, possibly allowing me summers to write. But I had also considered a heath/fitness/nutrition career after I found I was passionate about those subjects as well.

With my husbands suggestion that staying at home for a while was possible I was praying a lot this one particular week. It then dawned on me that not only was this an important opportunity for me to figure out what I really wanted to do but it was an important opportunity for my family. We would change roles around a bit to a more traditional family structure, show my children another alternative to a happy family structure, and give them a bit more family-centered attention in their early formative years (basically before all helll breaks loose in middle school!).

But why can't I combine both? Why can't I write while I stay home with my kids. Sure, it's nothing unique. Moms stay home every day. But I have always been a working mom and a career woman and no matter how much I try to convince you that in my heart I have always wanted to be at home, let's face it: This is going to be a big process, likely an emotional one, possibly humorous, but definitely life changing for me. What I am doing is changing what it means TO ME to be housewife. I know I have assumptions, stereotypes, and judgements that are going to be challenged and changed every day. I have many walls I put up to allow myself to cope with the challenge of being a working mother. Maybe I can help someone out, or help someone laugh, or at least help myself laugh by writing about my experience.

So my question here is for those of you who have more than one blog or understand that situation: Should I do it all here? Or continue with a second blog? Surely there will be crossover, but I'm thinking I want to keep my "Housewife" blog separate. Any thoughts?

My Last Day of Work

2010-06-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

I don't have a lot of time to blog this morning, as I am wrapping up the last 9+ years of my life at my current job. What a day! Perhaps tomorrow I'll share some photos, as today is the last day of work for me and Kindergarten for my daughter. We were both up with the roosters.

But today, as I waver between euphoria and anxiety and longing, I have a song going through my head. I always feel more intensely with music and I've been known to make up my own soundtrack to my life, so to wake up with this song on my heart feels very peaceful.

The Lord is my Light (Christopher Walken)

The Lord is my light, my help, my salvation.

Why should I fear?
With God I fear no one.
God protects me all my life.
With the Lord what should I dread?

The Lord is my light,
the Lord is my help,
the Lord is my salvation.

There is one thing I ask of the Lord that I long for:
all of my days with God to be dwelling,
gazing with awe at the beauty of God,
and in wonder look on God’s house.

I know I will live to see the Lord’s goodness,
now, in this life I’m sure I will see it.
Trust in the Lord, be strong and be brave;
wait in hope for God, our salvation.

You know what I will miss? Singing in the stairwell while climbing 5 flights of stairs each morning. The acoustics in there are excellent. I'm sure my coworkers feel differently!